sing you to me

the distance between us is
an imaginary line
the space is secondary
to the feeling

if a storm should be approaching
we will batten down the hatches
and prepare to face the weather
and it's seasons

but never will anything come between us
i can let you go
and still hold you inside

i can sing you to me
whenever i'm alone
i can sing you to me
when i need you
i can sing you to me
when there's no one else to turn to
i will sing you
to me

the road ahead is steep
and i have no head for walking
on a straight path
it's the bends that mark my way
i get sidetracked by the light
by the budding flowers blooming
by the life that grows around me every day

but never will i lose the meaning
that lights my weary way
and never will i lose the feeling
that there lies an open promise
in each new day

i can sing you to me
whenever i'm alone
i can sing you to me
when i need you
i can sing you to me
when there's no one else to turn to
i will sing you
to me

i will sing you in
i will sing you over
heaven cloud and field
i will sing you to the sky

i will sing you after
the whole things over
i will sing you into
the night

the distance between us is
an imaginary line
the space is secondary
to the feeling

if a storm should be approaching
we will batten down the hatches
and prepare to face the weather
and it's seasons

i can sing you to me
whenever i'm alone
i can sing you to me
when i need you
i can sing you to me
when there's no one else to turn to
i will sing you
to me

kind rain

you cannot stop
this kind rain
it falls in floods
cascades in sheets
it is the rain
created by the melting snow
the melted flakes
that once floated down

you cannot shelter from
this kind rain
it will find the unmended
hole in the coat
you wear
and wet you through
the only thing you can do
is give in

where once was a desert now
a patch of green
sweet new life has grown
reaching up
to the mother sun
let it in

you cannot alter
the kind rain
it feeds the thirsty place
that needs water
every other place is foreign
to you now
the only thing you can do is give in
to the kind rain

understanding

enduring
understanding
tick tick tick
love
like the hands of this clock
keep moving
still
and even when they
are not easy to find
they remain
in the woods of my town on the hill
counting down the grains of sand
that slip softly out to sea
changing the landscape
and carving me
out of the grain
that is in this tree
we are born
and light guides us forward
in
enduring
understanding

your shadow

i am your shadow
we are bound by light
the sun reflects on the moon
and i am sewn to you
your arms and legs
limbs
contact
we cannot separate
though distant
and disparate
we are closer than
the air

i am your shadow
we are bound by light
sometimes taller
sometimes smaller
always present
in the glow
the sun
provides

i am your shadow
we are bound by light
no night can separate us
distant stars
may shed
from the sky
and lose their life
but

i am your shadow
we are bound by light
and i am glad
the sun has
sewn me to you

carry me

carry me
over the black spots
carry me
over the ice
make sure i have enough room to breathe
or i won't sleep tonight

carry me
over the ocean
in your ship with billowing sails
chart the course
under the brightest stars
where the storms are far away

i will always have the best at heart
best in mind and best at hand
wanting only to see you smile
and help your dreams along as planned

carry me
up in the deep blue sky
on your wings of feathered white
soaring over the fields and trees
looking down
on the world that we occupy

carry me
into the sweet night
in your arms tender and warm
promise me nothing
give me all that you are

i will always be the best at heart
best in mind and best at hand
wanting only to see you smile
and help your dreams along as planned

carry me over
carry me up
carry me into
carry me on
carry me

slowly

things are going in and out of focus
songs are sliding in and out of tune
never seem to be on the same page
as you

snowflakes fall and hit the ground
in softness
icy winds are tickling my nose
another cold and wintery season
upon us
i think i'm

slowly
going crazy

what was easy once seems much more difficult
what was clear now enveloped in fog
surely i should know more now
then tell me why
am i more confused
than i ever was
i think i'm

slowly
going crazy

to love you is to need you is to know you too well
and now the light is dim
the distant past
calls upon us everywhere
we try to run
if only
we could
go back
but i think i'm

slowly going crazy

colours once so bright come over milky
words once so prosaic hit dead ears
what have i been doing
chasing rainbows
all these years
through these tears
i think i'm

slowly going crazy

don't laugh
i'm slowly going crazy

in fact
i'm slowly
going crazy

blind

he is blind
he doesn't see what is in front of him
he's looking inside
looking to the past
looking behind

and i am sunk
because i think it doesn't matter
whether he sees or not
there's no way out
and no way forward
for the thing i carry here

he is kind
too kind to let it go
too kind to offer up a compromise
that wouldn't be accepted now
it's too late to turn back
and not to feel

he is lost
there is a mist a heavy frost
he cannot navigate tonight
through all this debris
all this memory has caught him in it's vice
he cannot find the door

he is blind

another close

the dusted icing sugar frost of winter
is painted on the road
the fence
the chimney
and underneath
is wet and cold
the grey sky
folds the clouds
over the big blue sky

another close
it's close to being over

and motionless i'm looking out
my window
the hibernated loss will soon
become a memory
and i am again faced
with new territory
how will the furrow
plow itself come January

another close it's close to
being over

over the hill
of what this year has made of me
without the will
i have been kidnapped here
it's not like me
but then i used to be so sure
those were the days
when i thought i knew much more

so as we light the candle
and toast with yet another glass of wine
i wonder will i still be
feeling so unsure
like what i've done has got no where
and hoping that things will work out
next time

another close
it's close to being over

compassion

my heart
was breaking
i knew you were hurting
i knew i was hurting
for you
so you wouldn't hurt
quite as much
as you would have done
if i hadn't felt any
of this stuff

like why i am so sensitive
to making you feel positive
when the dark
has got it's claws in you
i want to make it light
for you

like when you are in a bad mood
i avoid saying certain things
to you
even though i know they're the truth

you see this heart has started beating
twice as hard
once for me and once for you
and though i am weary
sometimes too
i can't stop it
even when i try to

cause there is no reason
only passion
no explanation
no answers
just the beating
and the needing
to make sure you get
what you deserve

and even if it isn't me
to see you smile
i would see your winter over
melting into spring
down those green lanes
you love
with those
who love you

intertwine

rope and cord
string and web
connect and thread
intertwine
weave and sew
around my heart
into something sweet and new

chain and net
ladder step
figure eight around itself
intertwine
a knot a fit
a strength in crossing over it
braid and platt
and hold my hand
so much stronger
connected to someone else
intertwine
the line between us
like a road that never ceases
up and over hedge and hill
intertwine and
tie my will
in silken bows
and twisted hemp
intertwine
connect
divine extension of the line

under cover

under cover is safe and warm
no harm to come
to those who hide here
peek out between blanket
and pillow
open one eye
then let it close
under cover safe and warm

and if this house has no roof
i will be cold
put your arms around me
where the slates have blown off
before i catch my death of cold

under cover turn me over
cradle me against you warm
lie and dream
dream and lie
until the dawning of the sun
and i don't want to move
just now
under cover turn me over
facing you
and shutting out the world beyond
under cover
safe and warm

edges of clouds

the crimson edges of clouds
are calling me out
as black dots of birds
are coursing across the sky

my eye
follows them south
the corners of my mouth
are dry
the last leaves are still hanging on
for life
and teetering side to side
in answer to the smallest movement of the air

i have no answers still
but nestled under this blanket
of cluttered sky
i know the sun still reigns above
and though the rose glow now
will not last long
in days to come
the mists will be burnt off

for now vermillion turquoise purple black
will colour everything and all
until the winter has it's fill
and melts in awe

what is carved in this tree

all of these names there are carved in this tree
how many of them are about you
and somebody
does it meant i can't trust your kiss
does it mean a lot more because you know
what you now want to feel
because so many others taught you
that genuine shivers cost a lot more
than what is carved in this tree

and on the golf course
when the sprinklers go on automatically
and you are sat in the buff
on your sleeping bag
waiting for me
and the genuine shivers cost a lot more
than what is carved in this tree

i find myself

i find myself wondering where i have gone
she who could easily move on
could easily find the single strand
in the woven rope
and climb out
freeing herself

she who could fathom the deep
thoughts and feelings
others drowned on

she who could find sun
on the darker side of it all

i find myself wondering where i am now
all the signs i used to redirect me
have been turned around
and facing this new challenge
of which way the road should go
i realise

never before have i faced
such an unknown
i only know
i can't be alone
some one else has tread this path before
but who
i do not know

i arch my neck skyward
looking for the flock
of birds heading south
as instinct
takes them
where they need to go

and wondering if instinct
will carry me along
to where i find myself
at long last
not lost
just reborn

red sky

i will stand
and watch you forever
against the red sky

this moment was meant
forever
against the red sky
the colour clear and bright
my heart is leaving my chest
against the red sky

i never felt the cold
in this field
against the red sky

i never felt old
or has been
under your eyes
against the red sky
the grasses hissing in the wind
my body breathing out
and breathing in
against
the red sky

no rules apply
at this time
against the red ssky

my thankfulness
fills the emptiness
against the red sky
i cannot alter the way i fly
my arms stretching
feathers softly glide
against the red sky
this is forever
against the red sky

coming round

i can't be with you
and you will soon be coming round
in the half dead half alive
the pain will hit you hard
but i can feel it
from here
i can feel it
from here
i can feel it
from here
and i will do anything
to make things easier

we have nursed each other
through the bruises
neighbourhood fights
i am the big sister
getting you home alright

i don't see what some others do
you are so beautiful
what are they looking at
not the face
but their own expectation of it

and you will be coming round soon
in the half dead half alive
the pain will hit you hard
and i can feel it
from here
i can feel it
from here
i can feel it
from here
you have more grace
than any bird
that ever flew
without
wings

comes back to you

i try to grow up and stop being afraid
and make a new me
that won't feel these things
but somehow
no matter what's logical
it always comes back to you

i try to be smart alert and alive
to move from this place to a new
address
and get on with life as i know i can
but it always comes back to you

i never knew you were a cornerstone
for me
i never believed you would sit it out
and still be waiting for me

i try to be sensible
think of the others
this puzzle is difficult
to unravel
i know there are so many facets and sides
but it always
comes back
to you
no matter what i do

my little life

my little life
seems oh so small
some days i don't feel much connection at all
but i go to bed hoping
when the sun returns
that it will be the day
i have been waiting for

and i build and i knit
and i cook and i sew
and i string the beads
on soft silk thread
in my little life
these things take form
and the sun goes down
on the trial and the weary worn
hearts that beat
and deliver blood
to parts that need
to breathe

oh for one short day
on that soft beach shore
my little life
would be taken in hand
and all the things
i had cherished and born
would be yours
and yours alone

the fresh summer sun
in the beating blue sky
would wake us
would shake us
out of our tired time
i've never felt so much like this
and not been able
to get out of it

the buses the trains the cars the planes
what is their purpose
where do they think they are going today
and when they get there
they never stay

my little life is eaten
by the morning
that doesn't get all that it needs to
done
and the constant travelling of the hands round the clock
unless the battery's energy drops
and then
my little life suspended in time
would mean next to nothing
disappear in a void

but i guess
i could say
at least i tried
to keep the passion inside me alive
and one or two others
saw the light

the phantom land

it will be difficult to arrive
in the phantom land
a vast expanse of ice
that is moving
underneath

and we point our compass north
but the water is moving us the
other direction
it is 45 degrees below
and i cannot feel my fingers anymore

it will be difficult to arrive
in the phantom land
white snow white light
white stars
in the sky
in the phantom land
our failure
may be our success
in the end

the dogs have dense and heavy coats
the skis are sharp and help us
get half way to where we want to go
until we find out that the map is wrong
those islands don't exist
where we thought they were

it will be difficult to survive
until we reach
the phantom land
and i think i dreamed it only in my head
after four months without daylight
you doubt yourself

but to my great imagination
i saw you waving your hat
your hands
and you had a boat to save us
even though your journey had not gone
the way you planned
we climbed aboard
set sail for home

no more searching for
the phantom land

the cycle of things

don't hold on so hard
there are some things
you have to let go

they are made for other
times
other places they must go
in the

cycle of things
the sun the moon sweet spring
will wake me up again

and when you had it in your hand
you held it far too tight
the feathers fell and softly
drifted off

to fly it needs to be set free
right now
in the

cycle of things
the sun the moon sweet spring
will wake me up again

oh herald winter
the frost the sparkling ice
dormant underneath the snow
but feel the warmth
bring it all
to the surface

so now you watch it fly
swift wings up high
against the blue

and see here on the ground
the new little shoot
has broken through
in the

cycle of things
the sun the moon sweet spring
in the
cycle of things
the sun the moon sweet spring
will wake me up again

raging heart

there was a heart made of bone
it was a raging heart
on a chain
not silver not gold
it was a raging heart
and i would sit and dream
with my raging heart
and it would
change my life
my raging heart
take me from all the world i knew
my raging heart
take me from the familiar
my raging heart
make me weak
and leave me strong
my raging heart
still beating through the night
my raging heart
and i would see you in my dreams
and this raging heart
would call out for you
this raging heart
would have no mercy
this raging heart
would move me from here
to where you were
this raging heart
is for you

the leaving

the leaving left me stunned
i could not tell you
how i felt
or what it meant
to see your back
and the door
closed

did not know how it
came to this
yet bit by bit
we lost a little more
each season draining
and each storm
washing away
what kept us
falling overboard

i never learned to swim
i'm taking water in
always had a lifeline
but the timeline
takes it's toll
and everyday
the questions
grow much larger
than the answers
that will ever show

the leaving
left me stunned
with no where sure to go
the loss of what little
love was left
the dark
has swallowed
whole

the dream is realised

Martin Luther had a dream
it did not die with him
it was carried in the hearts
of those who softly marched
with grace and dignity
they saw the longer road was key
and now the dream is realised

a steady beating drum
inside the body of
a country that was hidden
by confused generations
of those without a leader
that they could believe in

this flame burned
still inside
and now with work
and pride
we carry forth
our vision of
America

this is not Black America
this is not White America
this is the United States of
America

this is not Black America
this is not White America
this is the United States
of America

now the purple mountain's majesty
and amber waves of grain
represent the freedom
on which we knew we could depend
the life blood of Obama
inspires from within
the dream is realised

so as the flag unfurls
in the fervent autumn wind
our work is now mapped out
and hard days loom ahead
but i look up to the heavens
and thank the stars again
Martin Luther had a dream
that did not die with him

autumn sky

the autumn sky turns dark
so early
i can pick out
the gold sliver of moon
with it's sister star
they ride the night together

and restless i look forward
and not back
but never losing sight
of it

i hold the season tight
the smell of decayed leaves
and sparklers dying
their trail of light
left purple trails
across my vision

and wakeful i jump up
and look out at the vibrant yellow
of the tree that looked like all the other ones around it
just a week ago

and how the clear cold blue
that arcs above is so intense
and deep just cutting through
the light was never quite as clean as this

the ferns are velvet tightly curled
around themselves
a dusting of frost
like sugar
melts
before the sun goes down

and restless i look forward
and not back
but never losing sight of it

that calls the birds to warmer shores
that heralds winters soft return
that calls to candles fires
burn
and take the edge off unforgiving wind

the autumn sky
will hold the sun in line
and angle it
to leave the shadows long
until the spring
returns

the autumn sky
will reign
and guide my way

and restless i look forward
and not back
but never losing sight of it

constancy

there is a blood that flows
of it's own accord
like snow fed rivers and falls
there is the gold orb's
rise and downward trail
each evening
as the moon takes over
there is the death
completion and returning to the earth
that cycles back into new souls
there is the sorrow of loss
that gradually again
turns glad to be still able
to feel
anything
and then the happiness
when someone gets
what they've worked so hard for
the turn
the spin
the weave
the constancy of change
the only thing
that doesn't change
at all

the little window tree

with arms outstretched
look how the leaves shrivel
under the frost
before they turn from green to gold
suddenly it got so cold
the little window tree
was feeling old

but i know a secret
underground
stirs a warm heart
and the promise of spring
i have seen you
with the light filtering
in between new buds
and new born chicks
you will have new life
in your veins
the little window tree
will feel the gentle heat again

let winter strip you
of what you hold so tight
sleep through the hibernation
of winter's blight
let snow nestle at your roots
and ice harden
your softer shoots
for now
little window tree
your secret's
safe with me
until the melting
wakes you up again

lost at sea

this is deep water
it is blue-black
it is cold
the deeper i get
the darker it goes
and all this water
came from somewhere
tears from the clouds
against the shore

and i am drowning
going down
lost at sea
i am drowning
going down
lost at sea

the foam and the wave
will carry me
carry me out
far away from here
carry me out
to somewhere
that is empty
and hollow
and waiting

and i am drowning
going down
lost at sea
i am drowning
going down
lost at sea

the compass point
was faulty
but the boat still unfurled it's sails
i lost my heart
to the captain
and the ship came a-ground
in the bay

as the reeling gulls
sing the song of the tide
and the sun sit's abreast the day
there's a calm
that settles the harbour
where the bones of the vessel lay

and i am drowning
going down
lost at sea
i am drowning
going down
lost at sea
drowning
going down
lost at sea
'til the night star
leads me home

the last waltz

i could see that you were dancing
but the dance had changed
you were side stepping
when you should have moved ahead
maybe i had killed something
maybe what was left
was just a shadow
of the passion
we had shared
and i had
sacrificed everything
that could have been
and your card
is full of
other names
that you must occupy the dancefloor with
and as i watch you glide along
in the arms of someone else
i know that what we had
can never be again

there used to be a look you had
that made me smile
a something that was special
in a way nothing else was
but now i see the light has gone
from somewhere in side
there's no use looking for it anymore
if it's not there
dance on
when another partner comes along
didn't you know
this was the last waltz

the colour of the leaves

crimson
burnt gold
auburn brown
under my feet
fallen down
imprinting on the cement
wet and crushed
stems and veins
ironed in between waxed paper
held up to the light
you can see
the colour of the leaves

like a stained glass window
made of opaque paper
and the fallen
fate of trees
maple
ash
sumac
dogwood
larch
and beech
purple
chocolate brown
the only green
is on the fir
and pine

the colour of the leaves
has come around

the moment

when it hurts
you know
that it has been worth
every bit of strength
and all the tears
like welcome rain
come
to feed

the moment

the facets of love
catch the light
at different times
in different ways
and what seemed
like it was never
going to change
is suddenly blooming
like the growing season
come of age
in spite of colder darker days
here

in the moment

and i am holding you a little too tight
hoping you will sink into me
so i can carry you like that
my eyes are tracing
every scar and shape
the dimples
wrinkles
embedding in my mind
so i will not forget

the moment

for like fleeting birds
the time will pull away
what seemed like it would
always stay
we hold so little time here
the precious space you occupy
will one day
empty of your shadow
and your grace

the moment

i realised
nothing can replace
what you have given
just by being
who you are
and what you have

the moment

constant
as the first white star
we see on the horizon
as the sun escapes

tender burden

i am awake with a sore head
and i don't know why
all the good is shed
like the leaves
that float on the pond
and a light wind
pushes them like boats
the cool air gives relief
as this tender burden
weighs me down

i can't find the words
in the dictionary
that describe the way i'm feeling
i go all shy and turn away
and hide behind my smile
and even a turn of your head
can make the weather change
this tender burden
weighs me down

oh my heart is full
why do i have to carry
this
oh my heart is old
and heavy with this
new found bliss

when you return
i'll try to show
that i'm alright
and everything's ok
i'll walk on water
walk on land
and brush the clouds away
but inside me this little thing
is ticking day by day

this tender burden
weighs me down again
this tender burden
weighs me down again
this tender burden
weighs me down

winter wood

the hills have changed
from gold to grey
branches shed of leaves
against the purple sky
and in the air i smell
the scent of snow
the season's ready for
the winter wood

the crisp and heavy frost
dusts the ground
and ice is starting to form
around the edges of the
shallow pond
the birds eat holly berries
and wait for seed
and i'll be heading for the winter wood

and soon it will be dark
and all will sleep quite still
the moon will silver
all of this
as i make my way in
to the winter wood

and as i taste
the first flakes of snow
that glitter softly
from the soft light above
i want nothing
but the beauty here
of the soft quiet blanket
that gathers at my feet

and in this gentle season
there is no better place
than sheltered by this cathedral of trees
that is
the winter wood
the winter wood
the winter wood

still it burns

open the window
to see it grow
you don't know if it will work
but
you gotta give it a go
you light the match
the spark is hit
the flame leaps up
the heat and the light
exist

it's eating the wick and the wax
it's warming the room
and when it burns down to
the bottom
we'll have to light it again
it's not easy
keeping it alight
any little breeze can blow it out

but in me
still it burns

oh fire giver and taker of life
won't you make up your mind
will you kill me or keep me alive

oh fire dancing lips of flame
warm and consume me
keep the passion growing within

so we watch the embers
as they slowly go red
from such a pale yellow white
to this darker shade
if you throw in some paper
it will catch like a fire bird
and fly up the chimney
out into the world
and somewhere
still
it burns

maybe an angel

maybe an angel
is here with me now
shadowing all i do
maybe an angel is over my shoulder
helping me deal with
the demons i shoulder
maybe an angel
will save me
from taking the fall

maybe an angel
is guiding my path
avoiding the holes in the road
maybe an angel
is carrying me
over the bridge
to my goal
maybe an angel
is hovering near
making sure all is
perfectly clear

all i know is i'm
whole
and maybe
the angel
is you

long overdue

the feeling
and the sweet morning
upon me now
so much relief
after holding it all in
like a flood
out in the open now
long overdue

the time it took to
walk the right road
to walk the right path
or to know when i should move at all
took every ounce of strength
to hold me back
from the cliffside fall
and now that i have sat out the
long winter
everything i wanted
is coming to me
long overdue

i knew by your smile
you understood the unspoken
understood the words behind the rhyme
i knew in your eyes was a new horizon
it was only a matter of time
hold on
it's been long overdue

some give up because they cannot envision
some give in because they cannot wait
i stand here naked before you
longing and leaving the rest behind
to move ahead on this tender wake
surely
this is long overdue
certainly long overdue
hold on
it's been long overdue

what i gave to you

what i gave to you
i gave to you alone
what i gave to you
was given without terms
and this precious gift
came without any ribbons or bows
came without any season marked on it's soul
came without any reason at all

what i gave to you
flew from somewhere deep
the wings got caught on the clouds
flying into your reach

and this precious gift
came without knowing
this precious gift
keeps growing and growing
this precious gift
has no reason at all

and stop it though i might
it still flies it still tries
and if i beg it cease

there is no way it listens to me

what i gave to you was hwhole
from inside out on every side
each and every colour shown

and the time turns the world
over and over
we walk we sleep we breathe and
we bother
but this gift i gave was free
this gift comes to you from me

the loss

it's falling away
i am trying so hard
to hold on
but the blood loss
is hard to stop
and all the bright red flow
is leaving me
leaving me alone

i never knew
how it would feel
to be so empty
until now
and then again
i had to have it in me
first
to understand

it's slipping away
like silk under my hand
falling off the bed
and to the floor
i couldn't stop it
as you walked
out the door
and there i lay
wishing i had never known

it's running away
like it can't wait to go
and any flame has
died down now
and left the ash cold
and any dream
my heart enjoyed
is left in sleeping
never to be found
the loss
is all around me
like a storm
circle
feed
and go

burn

you burn
still
i lit you
quite a while ago
i turned the lights out
just so i could see you
and your soft flicker
reflected in the window

where outside
inclement weather
meets this warm window
and i sit and snuggle further
up the couch
the blankets
pillows

and somewhere in me feels safe to know
the wind cannot get in
and blow you out
my source of light
my source of burning
light
a tiny fire
on a wax pillar

but if you burn fast
the melted wax will feed
on you
until you go out
then i will be
in total darkness
just like you
a black smoking
piece of string

looking for a match
to bring it back
to life again
burning
burning too fast
learning
some things
just aren't meant
to last

to light it
is to see it bright
to keep it going
is to feed
and feed again
before the wind comes through

so the burning
catches something else
and spreads the flame
before it gets blown out
behind are embers
from a larger source
that keeps it's centre warm
rest awhile
enjoy the gold red light
the heat
the comfort here
burn
burn true
and don't
go out
again

mother

you have given me life
and nurtured me
in time
i will return this

at the core
you are
and i am your creation

you have set
this sail in me
to travel far and wide

you have
engrained this melody
on me
i sing it every day

you have embedded
this heart in my chest
how it beats
with every pulse
that raises the sun
that pulls the moon
down to me

how grateful am i
to be part of
this great mystery
adored
sheltered
loved

from nothing
you have made me
something
you have cradled me
and now
the spirit home
is found

embarrassment

i walk into the trap and trip
at your feet
i feel so inept and clumsy
afraid to look up
i look forward
walk as fast as my feet
will carry me

i am falling
without arms
to hold me up
face red
and trying not to show emotion
like volcanoes building up
hoping some did not see
how badly i performed

next night i get up
and wait for the trap
to trip me up

once more
embarrassment

closer

the ticking
is getting closer
like the clock
your heart beats
inside your shirt
inside my head
the time is passing
fast

and you will be long gone
soon
over the timeline
and the light of the moon
closer than you think
this long goodbye

words mean nothing
in the spread of
this thing
the cracks are filled in
by the silence

and you will be long gone
still
i am holding on
to the ticket stub you dropped
without seeing
closer than you think
this long goodbye

i can still smell your hair
in the morning
i can still see your eyes
as they open first thing
i can still feel your skin
after sleep softens it
i wish i could forget
but my heart won't let me

the cold is creeping in
as i sense you leave
as i sense a change
in the season
i will turn away
so you don't see my face
so you don't see the tears at the corners
closer than you think
this long goodbye
closer than you think
you and i

the happy sentinel

there is a guardian
that directs me
when thought is in conflict
the way that needs to be followed
is always there
but sometimes lost
in life's confusion

i have a happy sentinel
that calls out which way i should
go
and if i listen
there is clarity
and joy
always a sunny road
down which my day can turn

though it may rain
and words may clash
the thunder can be beauty

a happy sentinel
will not change the outside
it's on the inside
there's a choice
of which way to turn
it's up to me to choose it

my guardian won't let me down
unless I do not listen
the blessed song
the bluest sky
is always up for offer
take the gift
and use it

something's missing

something's missing
in everything i do
a link
a page
a word or two
but it never goes further
than just over there
tell me where
the bridges are
maybe it's syntax
maybe it's language
maybe i don't fit
into this landscape
come out come out wherever you are
don't hide in the shadows
or behind the door
for the time is short
and the cost is high
something's missing
and i don't
know why
but if it's missing
it can be found
so unlock
the gate
before
the sun goes down

something's missing
but that means you know
there's an empty space
where something belongs

walk alone

sometimes it feels like
there's no way home
when you lose the trail
between your heart
and the road

the sun sinks
in a different horizon
and try as i may
i don't know where to find it

and i
walk this line
like all the rest
some find their feet
some fall
that's all
sometimes no matter what you say
there's just
no way home

when the detour sign is posted
loud and clear
and the path ahead
is dusty-rocky
i will bear my fate
i will bide my time
and pray
my dreams
come to something

yes i walk this line
like all the rest
some find their feet
some fall
that's all
sometimes no matter how hard you try
there's just no way to know what's next
i would take my chances with the best
but no matter how you word it or explain
sometimes
there's just no way home

so i'll set out in the morning
with the dawn
and hope the new day greets me with an open sky
when i look back from my destination
i hope i will say
that i didn't have to walk alone
even though
there's no way home

open heart

i approach things with an open heart
open eyes and open mind
let you in as far as you will go
give you everything i have
but when the air grows heavy
with your discontent
and anything i say
is used in vain
this in when the door shuts
and i walk away from the pain
no comment
you lost an
open heart

don't ask the questions
that have already been answered
time and again
maybe you just couldn't see
maybe you weren't listening
but some day someone will
be able to take
and give
i'm not changing my ways and means
just to suit your needs
no comment
you lost an
open heart

how many times have i tried to reason
how many times have i set the rhyme
how many times have i seen the beauty in you
but you continued to be blind

this road runs in a circle
no beginning no end
there is nothing you can do to me
that will stop me moving forward
and i hope that on your journey
you will find your source of light
you have taught me to have patience
perseverence through a starless night
so walk on and don't look back
no more wasted explanations
no coment
you lost
an open heart

clear blue sky

as i sit and look out at the clear blue sky
i wonder how many birds
will fly against the patina
the bittercold heights
and the wonderful scenery
my heart has wings
and a muffled beat
to think i am taking off
any minute
i know i am losing you
and it hurts
i need clouds to mark
the rain
i am crying now
i am crying in a way
i don't know how
to stop

for all the times i could have
treated you better
but somehow didn't
and
as you leave
i hope engraved in you
are the good times
that i am remembering now

i can see you high in the
clear blue sky
flying to a life
where the air is new
when we catch up again
it will be
like you never
left
bird
fly
but know
i'm already missing you

overwhelming

i can't believe the summer's over
never really had one
this year
and like the last
the slowly sinking sun
is casting golden rays
across my path
and at the shedding trees
the colours burning
as they're falling
leaves
that once were green
have let go of the filament
and yet the sky
is pulsing blue
and setting off the buildings
cars and people
in a way that never happens
when the sky is dark
my joy is full
now dare i be this happy
all my friends and loves
and songs and words
are blending
into one
the autumn comes
the change
is
overwhelming
would i be here
without you
i wouldn't want to know
the overwhelming opposite
of what i'm feeling now
but one day i will
so now i will
not dampen down
the spirit that beats and
dances in me still
the thrill
is
overwhelming

not forsaken

the days are getting shorter
and the bones are getting softer
the frame is folding
inward
i look and there the tender
sweetness beats
this cannot be forgotten
not forsaken

the time we spent in words
the higher number
not so easy to remember
but how i soar
on the smile that first awakes
at sight of your name
at sound of your
deepened voice
this cannot be forgotten
not forsaken

i wish for a moment
i wouldn't fall apart
in front of you
i always fall apart in front of you
such submission
such disgrace
if i fall apart in front of you
the pieces lying on the floor
at your feet
pick me up
in time and place
the night is gently seeking us
gently calling out our name
in the dark the clouds seem distant
as you stroke my hair
this cannot be forgotten
not forsaken
not mistaken
and the morning sun
will hold us in its wake

overflow

i can't keep all the good stuff in
all the good stuff that is meant to be given
given away to make it better
given away and it fills up again
and i smile to see the beauty of you
when i least expect it you are
catching me
carrying me
in the sweetest way
that has ever been
your strength lies
in the unsuspected nature
of your kindness
the gift given
without price
or cost
if you ever knew
without you on my side
i would be easily lost
if you ever knew without you at my side
i would be easily missed
and missing the piece
that fits
the overflow
spills
and replenishes
the snowfed water
from the mountain cliffs
and i am the grateful pool
that reflects
all of this

little bird

a little bird
perched in the tree
next to my window
he didn't sing
but sat and listened
like he could hear
through the glass

his feathers irredescent
in the early light
so bright in the morning
as the mist caught flight
as i played my guitar
and softly sang
he sat and listened
through the glass

this little bird has his own
life
his own place to go
this little bird in his own time
will know
where to fly
and how high amidst the blue
his wings will carry him


little bird carry my song
high
carry it over the hills
as i play my guitar
and softly sing
on the other side
of the glass

the tree is empty
and a feather falls
where once
the little bird
perching still
listened
heard
and went

hard rain

sometimes a hard rain
like a flood of tears
will clean out
the debris
that has been floating here
the things that though we try
to make them work
get worse
from trying too hard
to keep them above the tide line
and on the shore
but they are drowning
of their own accord
and though i would like to save you
this time you have to save yourself
because of times i can't be there
to explain why
you don't know how
to treat people with respect

sometimes a hard rain
washes out
the things that stuck there
much too long
that weighed me down
the crying works
when all else fails
to make much sense
why
when i treat you
with respect
i am the one
you hurt the most
expect that sorry
makes it ok
well it doesn't anymore

sometimes the hard rain
sends the silt down river
all that wonderful potential
in you
washed to somewhere else
my hope is that you
find a way you can
respect yourself
and move to treat those better
than you have treated me
i was the learning curve
the current rushed around
the bend that led the tide
to right itself

precious stone

kindness is a salve
for this battered heart
sometimes
we stand out in the rain too long
or get burned by the sun
but i am blessed
with tenderness
and comfort
from this storm
i'm not alone
even though
next to me
is no one
inside me
i carry you
like
a precious stone
it weighs me down
so i don't float away
tell me again
how much you need me
tell me again
how much you want me to stay
or does it hurt too much
to be
brave enough to say
wonder is what keeps me open
keeps me alive
when everyday life
tries to kill off the drive
the desire to move forward
and not avoid
what's coming next
set off from here
and end up somewhere else
but still inside me
i carry you
like a precious stone
that weighs me down
so i don't float away
tell me again
how much you need me
tell me again
how much you want me to stay
will you be brave enough
to say the words
or leave them
for another day


a precious stone
will shoot out light
from every
angle cut
not able to keep
the shine in
so happy with it's lot
i carry you
inside me
everywhere

frightened

so much anger
so much pain
i don't know
from where it comes
it is directed at me
but
it is not about me
and all this time i have been a fool
trying so hard
to stick to your rules
trying so hard to
make you feel better
but all this made
it worse
so now
i can say nothing at all
i can say nothing at all
anything i say
will be held against me
in a court of law
where you judge all
where you have judged the world
from your lofty home
i hope you are happy there
now
for climbing this mountain
gets me
nowhere
i'll stay at
the bottom
now

the best thing

the best thing
when the chill rain falls
would be to be in your arms
but out the window you are distant
like the clouds
from which the rain falls
the best thing
when the heart gets sore
from beating far too long
is not to feel at all
but i can't
do anything about that
so the next best thing
is to pretend
that this doesn't mean
anything
and if this doesn't mean
anything
i am sunk
the best thing
when the sun goes down
would be to be
locking the door
behind us
locking the world
behind us
but the world
is between us now
the best thing
would be to hear your voice
from the other
side of the room
from the other side of the room
but now the room
is in another town
and i can't
do anything about that
so the next best thing is
to pretend that i am just dreaming
and if i am just dreaming
then this
doesn't mean anything
and if this
doesn't mean anything
i am sunk
you are
the best thing

clear

it is clear
by the light of the summer's end
that the leaves will softly fall
the night closes in earlier still
and the windows in the house
wear the mist
from the change in temperature

it is clear
by the lipstick red rose hips
and the hay trucks loaded down
how the sheep huddle closer than they did
a few weeks ago
just to stay warm

it is clear we are closer
to the morning frost
at the moment there's only a fog
but it won't be long
til it lifts off the ground
ringing trees in the early hours

the birds sing a shorter song
the squirrels run and gather
all day long
as the branches shed their yearly growth
i await the silver wand

it is clear
that autumn is slipping in
slipping through my fingers
slipping through my hair
it is clear
another year
is moving on
and i am
holding the sun

all around me

the soft tree lined wood
of your voice
is all around me
like a mossy bed
of sanctuary
all the cares
and disapointments cease
like the curved and silken flight of cranes
the sound lulls me to sleep
to dream
to cast aside
the world that will not cease
we climb the mountains
holding hands
the soft tree lined wood
of your voice
is
all around me
cherished peace
a sweet release
from what today may bring
a haven
where this temple
has a place
we meet between the waves
and breathe

the dream

i dreamt your sister drove you here
though you don't have a sister
it was a very narrow street

and when you came in and saw me there
you
disappointed went away
just went next door
to hide from me

i went out the front
and saw your car
still parked there
though i don't know
what kind of car you have

then someone on the street
came up and asked me
for the 10 quid
i had borrowed several years ago
though i never did
and she got mad
when i told her i didn't
have it

i woke up wondering what it all meant
the non- existent sister
the unknown car
the running next door
the borrowing that never was
the dream
was just
a dream
of course

blossom trees

under a row of blossom trees
i walk
my skirt flutters in the breeze
the cotton candy pink
blossom clouds
let go
like cherry-scented snowflakes
petals flutter
and fall
i stop
lie down on the moss green grass
and looking to the azure sky
through tangled webs
of branches
budding leaves
and blooms that still hold on
i realise
that someday budded leaves will
surface
change to crimson
fall
so i drink in this
cotton candy snowstorm
for now

interpretation

if i read the words
i may not get the story
in between the syllables
lie canyons rivers islands

oh for just a little light
to see your eyes in front of me
not in a picture on a screen
what then
would all this come to mean

would we be stranger to each other still
would we be sister brother
father mother
lover
would everything just come together
like it always should have been

if i just listen to the words
again
i hear a friend
and feel a stirring in the wind
the sky is calling me again
to go somewhere i've never been

my life a series
of stops and starts
some day i'll rest
and put down roots
if only what i hear and read
is what exists
in front of me

alive

sometimes i am in a place
no one else can see
and it is easy to go along
with what's around
so much easier
than trying to get someone to understand
how do i keep this alive
have i got the courage
have i got the love

the bravado is there
behind the little girl
is scared
scared of what she knows
and
what she feels no one will see
and missed out
are the words
she cannot say

but what's important at all costs
is keeping this alive
this spirit
and this heart
this wonder and this light
even if it means
the easy road is not
the one i have to take
alone and walking forward
in the dark
but still awake

the tender plan

to see this climb the wall
and trail down to the other side
to hold and tend this gentle
bursting in my chest
and in my head

to always act with grace
and humble focus and command
this is
the tender plan

to cradle soothe and comfort
when the world is cruel
unkind
to let the tears and hard words fall
disappear into
thin air

to always put the other first
forever be a friend
this is
the tender plan

walking with you
is the peace i'm looking for
living near you
would be a heaven
in an earthly town

these are but dreams
now awake i face the sunrise
this is my life
and as complex as a puzzle
pieces remain
that will not complete the picture

i'm thankful on this island
we can rest our weary loads
and share in
the tender plan

given

you can't hold back
what's already made it's way there
some things are set in stone
some things are flying home
and some things live
a life of their own
these are the things we learn from

your genuine nature
will shine in the end
at the start we're all afraid
whether we show it or not
in the middle we are warmer
and ready to begin
some things are unavoidable
easier giving in
easier giving in
and having what the world
has
given
given without question
without purpose
without cause
given
just because
it is
and does

you can't retrace your steps
and end up in the same place
looking back is necessary
but what's gone
cannot be had again
we plant we water we plow
we sow
until the season tells us to
start over
though it looks the same
the crop returns different again
some things are unavoidable
easier giving in
easier giving in
and having what the world
has
given
given without question
without purpose without cause
given just because
it is
and does
given just because

risking the heart

there's a soaring

there's an aliveness

never more certain

than risking the heart

all things pale against this trust

all things fall into the shade

as the light of this falls

your arms opening up

to collect the harvest you've won

it was all in the pure perseverance

of risking the heart

opening up

beating the drum

in the hopes someone hears

and the dance is begun

risking loss

risking losing

everything

and having nothing

believing is all you can do

when risking the heart

believing is all you can do

when risking the heart

don't say a word

so eloquent & so prosaic

it's you that leaves me lost for words

what is this flutter in my belly that makes my heart beat twice as fast

it's the same old thing i cannot figure

how i should react




feed me songs feed me stories

feed me of your common good

leave me to contemplate the meaning in a solitary wood

again i find myself confused and at a loss

what is the cost




don't say a word




why do you let me feel like this

then take away the map

that could help me find my way through this

i don't know how




don't say a word




ahhh




don't say a word




and like a silent clearing

i know you always will be there

even though it doesn't fit in the world that we live in

you can't deny fate from yourself




it's the same old thing

thought i was lost

but i am really found ahh ooh




don't say a word




don't your say a word ahhh don't say a word




don't you say it




don't say a word

keep a light on

all these days

travellin far and travellin wide

when i had it all inside to draw from

all this time

the nights were dark

i have been alone too long to find my way




so keep a light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep a light on

keep on




all this time

so much closer to the truth

so much closer to you than i thought

all these miles

never got me very far

never got me what i thought i wanted so




keep a light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep a light on

keep on




burning till the wick dies out

smoking in a pool of wax

burning till there's no way out

and you finally face yourself




all these nights

brought the promise of the day

brought you nearer to my door

than i hoped for

all these prayers have been answered with your smile

there is no road that gets me there

like your eyes

so keep the light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep the light on

keep on




keep the light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep the light on

keep on

keep on

these arms

don't know why we are here

but i know that i am

carrying some sort of burden

i can't support on my own

and thankfully though i have no answers

i will still take my chances

in these arms

hold on

i don't know when it all comes right

when greyer skies turn black or white

but i know this

i have a place i can rest in these arms

hold on

to the warm embrace that says the cold is over

to the warm embrace that makes all sense of chaos

to the warm embrace that rights everything that went wrong

all along we were here for each other

all along

i can't think of where tomorrow leads me forward

i can't say words that i don't even know

but here i find my sweet sanctuary

i am ever oh so lucky

in these arms

i am home

hold on

the silent moon

where have you been my friend

all sweet and white

cold hanging in the sky

but touched with light you seem so warm tonight

and by the morning you'll be gone

replaced by sources other than you know

sources that have made you shine

where have you been my friend

hiding under clouds

but i can still see the circle

like a coffee cup ring

embedded on the sky i always find you

don't try so hard to slip me by

there have you been my friend

all this time

forever mine

a gentle friend

no need to set the stage to preen or call you special names

you know me from the inside out

i know you from the start

a gentle friend is worth the light

the morning brings

and all the social niceties and pretty rings

dresses cars and houses cannot bring

the kind of joy that is harboured in your smile

when you see me coming near

you gentle friend

are worth the sunset at days end

and i don't have to explain

why i never call or write

every time we get together

no time has gone or ever be forgotten

never

gentle friend

my beginning and my end

we know each other so

that there is no unknown

and nothing to be frightened of

a gentle friend

is what i hope i am

these things hurt

like moving when your legs are worn and tired

your heart dare not go through this fire

full on again

but embers deeply scar

this river bed

this flowing water snagging branches low

where small birds sit to drink

to catch the bugs to think

and fly quick at the rapids call

you know you'll dance again to this slow tune

but pain becomes inevitable

when i know

your smile so well

and yet so far from me now

these things hurt

like brutal truth

that carves it's name in solid bark

and years will never let it go

oh these things hurt

tattoos like stars

embedded on your sky-like skin

keeping me alive and yet

the night the only time i see them coming out

in daylight

only pin-pricks from my dreams

oh these things hurt

you know

waiting

the wait and the wonder are flooding me

over and over again past the corner we stood on

the bench where we sat

i was so sure then

but with time all certainty goes

i grasp for the little things

hold on tight

your skin after we go for a swim

in the moonlight

many's the time i wish i could hold back your hair

look into your eyes and settle there

even though the light has now gone from the sky

your light from within is as bright as these stars

arcing over our heads in the still summer's night

the wait is worth guessing

the wonder the flood

when rain fills the butt

i will have what i want

a gift for words

he has a gift for words

he doesn't use them lightly

he helped me find the light when dark had fallen hard

he has a gift for words

he doesn't use too many

don't seem to be any that aren't meant to be there

oh i am so thankful for the time he spends

letting people know

this world we all live in is what we share

he cares and we all know

he has a gift for words

i only wish that i could give him something

that meant as much as this

the world can be cold and disillusioned

but the heart is in the paper and the pen

he has

a gift for words

and i am grateful

for it

the pearl

the pearl hides

in the oyster that's inside

built around the gravel ,storms and stronger winds

you have it all

and shine it will

tender

don't touch too much

there is a bruising here

where seeking shelter

makes you vulnerable

but also shows your strength

but oh the softness here

like seeds cast in the wind

riding the birds wing

i carry you everywhere

don't touch too much

unless you beg me stay

in this gentle harbour

i will find my sanctuary

from a weary day

in your hands

the touch is everything

but your hands could move mountains

the minute you decide

to come out of the hide

and bare the soul you keep inside

the current is strong

and the river flows-long with wide banks on each side

where you rest from the white water skimming the stones

stop chasing and bask in the sun for a while

in your hands the potential to heal

all the suffering

heal all the scars

tattooed in this energy

all in your hands

and waiting to thrive

to grow and replenish

in your hands is cessation

to all of the pain

in your hands resolution

pure love and release

all this time looking out

when it always was

in your hands

the weeping willow

the soft hewn branches

fingers shedding leaves in water

this river is neverending

this tree is draping over the waterline

sheltering ducks and water coots

under it's tender arms

the weeping willow

makes a sheltered home

and even in my alleyway i grab the branches

and swing

sometimes they break

sometimes they hold my weight

but always in the wind i hear their swishing call

the weeping willow

whispers all

its tears are only rain that falls

weakness

falling

falling fast and hard

falling like a blizzard in a desert

not knowing how to stop the downward float

the downward deep

and then the swinging flight back up

the weakness is the only strength i know

the weakness keeps me genuine

the weakness keeps me warm

the weakness of believing in the good of every soul

in the good of every outstretched hand

take hold

in weakness

we are born

goodnight

sweet light of day is tired

we must recumbent lie and gain our strength

tomorrow requires every sinew

in these soft and truthful arms

stay awhile and quench the thirst

your soul has hungered for

tomorrow leave no stone unturned

no smile allowed to simmer slow behind a cloud

right now we sleep

replenish sparks and hold stars deep

behind our eyes

with thoughts entwined and hair spread on the pillow

the dreams yet to be dreamed are calling

begging 'please remember'

as the morning starts to rise

but...for now in quiet silence lie

goodnight

the caving in

the caving in
that aching thing
when suddenly the ticking gets too loud
and you realise
that yes you
will never be the same again
and maybe it was foolish
to expect it ever would be
any different

it's coming

off on the horizon

all the build up see the wind

bending trees and sending leaves

airbound

it's coming see them running for the sheltered woods

in herds

the deer like open wounds

are sensitive to change

it's coming

all the growing and the care is sprouting buds

new answers to old questions

shedding light like summer sun

it's coming

and i'm ready

for once

sailing close to the dream

if you sail close to the dream
you must expect a rough current
a tossing in the waves
and an unknown storm moving forward
there will be times of calm
and days when nothing moves
just the call of the gull and the sway of the sails
as the boat rises and falls
some days you get lost in the mist
not knowing when it will clear
not knowing when next you will navigate by the stars
and still
though the journey is full of unknowns
and your ship will oft slip off course
you can rest in the fact you have done what you can
the only thing worse
would be
never to venture off shore
and wonder what could have been born

white

i sat on this hill in the dark

and looked down on the lights in the valley town

as they blinked and went out one by one

the night was warm and slid off my skin

like the white

light of the moon

and casting shadows across the way

dusted silver grass

the lake so still

with a big white

circle reflected in the middle

and suddenly i am so blessed

out here in this quiet place

no noise no anchor holding me

just the white

stark light of the moon

in the black death of night

and i feel every bit of me

coming up for air

finally after holding on

so long

i let go

and the white

bright light of the moon

allows me to shed the tears

i held onto for so long

as they slide down my cheekbones

towards my mouth and chin

the valley town below is just a place

and i am only attached to those i love

the only way a place becomes a home

is underneath the white

teeth of your smile

the moon is now a sliver

white

and worn

and you are all the white

the dark the light

the one

intuition

like an animal knows its way home
in the dark
like the feeling that feeds itself
on what it has inside
and like the wind that blows over
the strongest tree in the wood
this is bigger than any of us
and move with it we will

and knowing this gives grace
and humility
bowing to what you cannot change
will make of you
what you will be
and more than you could ever dream
trust
in the thoughts, the feelings
the life that guides you to this storm
trust
that calm and warmth
awaits you
on the other side
of this steep and somehow solemn slope
the meadow will be sweeter
if you let your intuition
take you there
trust and intuition make you
gentle
strong and fair
intuition
is the heart of the matter
trust
is the love that makes you dare

lost in shadow

sometimes the brightest star
is lost
to the shadow
lost in the corner
where no one sees
shining too bright
blinding
outright
can't stop the light
but
maybe
just maybe
some day
someone will see
and the star will shine
in the proper sky
not under the cloud
you now see

waiting for someone to
be able to see
that what meets the eye
is not all there is
that
lost in shadow
is the greatest gift
a treasure unknown
and rarely seen
until then
lost in shadow
is how it will be

keep going

the road is rocky and rough
and your legs feel numb
your feet hurt and you are
hungry and tired
keep going
until you find your way back
these beautiful hills will mark your path
keep going
you are nearly there

the air feels still and warm
you wish you had a breeze to cool you off
you wish you had someone
who would take you out of this
keep going
there is something more at the end
that you need to find
and you won't
if you turn around
keep going
you are nearly there

so many times before
you got to this point
not knowing where to turn
compass , stars
the angle of the sun
trees growing all one side
cannot help you now

you have worked
the sweat is earned
the tears have dried
the seam is sown
keep going
you are in the right town
you are with the right friend
you are where you need to be
keep going
you are nearly home

open heart

i am in surgery
this is an open heart
it needs new valves
they've all been worn out
beating far too hard

and how much joy this heart
has seen -i'll write a million songs
but they would never match
the sweetness of you
don't stop doing what you do
the sweetness of you
like sticky toffee pudding

i am now in xray
this is an open heart
i have been stitched together
been given a new lease of life

and how much joy this heart will feel
now only tomorrow will know
i'll sing a million songs
but they will never match
the sweetness of you
keep doing all the little things you do
the sweetness of you
like cookies cake and candy

i am now ok
my open heart is mended
stronger loved and tended
life blood flowing through

and now i can return the joy to you

still

sit
still
for a minute i can hear the tap drip
the time tick
deeper i go
and they all disappear
until
i am
still
as undisturbed water
and under the clouds
the blue sky remains there
as calm
as the sea in a lull
still
as the animals before a storm
as they wait to see which form
it will take
wind rain heat or snow
still
as forever
i am still here
for you whether you want me to be
or not
i am still here
and always will be
still
hope against hope
that it works out
in the quiet way
that i can see
where the beauty is
always was
never doubted
for a moment it would be
still
after it all
still

the axis of the world

here at the base
i look up
the sky is clear dark blue
and darker at the pinnacle
this mountain
an ancient pyramid
covered in snow
the air up here
so cold and clean
i'm breathing dizzy
with it all

and here converges
valleys, rivers, gorges
and plateaus
animals free to ramble
roam
make the land home
alongside man
not above or below

and taking on your sorrow
and your burden
i will nest it in my open heart
and feel the joy in lightening you
while lightening myself
watch the sadness and the pain
feather off
in the black smoke
that once was all the weight
we carried
for so long
the axis of the world
feeds each and everyone

the harsh reality

you intentions are honourable
my heart is sinking into the abyss
i may lose you
to the gun
the foreign rain
the blood that spills
for conquest
gain
protecting fellow man
and ideologies
while the bed stays empty
and i can't sleep
or eat

your actions are commendable
i am screaming nightmares
of a folded flag on a coffin
you fly out
in two months
a lifetime must be lived
between us now
and carried with you
how
will you remember
the scent of my hair
if the smoke and guts
numb you dead

your motivation is laudable
my desperation is palpable
the situation is impossible


and the harsh reality is
you will leave
and i will never love like this again
relaxed and free of worry
care
if you return
i won't be able to leave you alone
if the unthinkable occurs
my heart
will stop
with yours

into these hills

as i walk these hills with you
i remember you as small
with a tiny hand
and a curly head
looking out on the world with awe

so full of life
and ready for the puddles
mud
did not deter you
from the laughter
that they brought
me
and you

but as i walk these hills with you
you tower over me now
your dreams need wings
to take you where
i cannot go
and i realise
this will one day soon
be just a memory
and every breath and every step
was all of life to me

but as with migratory birds
i cannot hold you now
your heart is calling
follow the dream
and i must let you go
with a glad wish
and a happy thought
i'll think of you each day

as i walk into these hills alone
your inspiration carries me
aloft
adrift
above
and home

work-a definition

i bring home a pay cheque
but my children miss out on me
this is work

to put a roof over their heads
i have to make enough
to miss out on their growing up

to care for them when i'm away
i have to make enough
to pay someone else
to share in their development
and miss out on it all myself

if only i could turn it on it's head
so nurture could be seen as work
and someone would pay me
to give the special gift
that only i can give to them

then maybe
just maybe
i could give the sort of things
they are now missing out on

the pay cheque would not be
money but the gift to the community
of people who have a deep belonging
and understanding of themselves

this paper pay cheque
is a monument
to an old way of
the value of things
while we all miss out
on what's important

is this work

or subtle cruelty

two of me

there seem to be

two of me

the one who says no
with utter conviction
'cause i know my role
at work
but the other one
finds saying no harder
turns inward and shyer
there's more to be gained
by saying yes
at home

the me away is cool and convincing
sure of what i'm saying
conscious of what i'm doing
i know my place
at work

the other me
is still on the fence
concerned weighing up
all the possible choices
more subtle turns
more considered voices
at home

how would it be if the 'me-s' changed places
would anyone notice
would anyone question
the different responses
and varied directions
it might not be a bad thing

the two of me
may meet
exchange notes
maybe learn something new
and shake hands
in the end

w o r k

willing
occupation
receives
kudos

the dovetail joint

it needs no nail or glue
just slots together
like a lifelong search has found its
other
like discordant matches have all been forsaken
with the dovetail joint no room for air
because it's so close and comfortable
nothing can ever pull it apart
it's so close and comfortable
like something meant to be
it's so close and comfortable
each side clings to the other
for the strength in between

see these hands

See these hands
all wrinkles and veins
feeding and bathing
and washing
and making the meals
that keep you sustained
ironing shirts and making beds
making sure all you need
is ready if and when
you need it.....this is what i do
after i get home from the job
where i get paid
i read somewhere that the world had changed
and all the things i enjoy
are not classed as work
so i have to do more just to earn my way
and get into the rut
on the wheel of everyday
...fortunately i have saved a little back
for myself
so i can still enjoy the little things
like feeding and bathing
washing and making the meals
that keep you sustained
even after i get home
from the job
where i get paid
see these hands
they are well used
and well made
and they will
write their own history
even if the life has been sucked out of me
after i get home
from the job
where i get paid

i love work

the toil and thinking you're getting somewhere
i love work
the friendship the trying to figure out
how to get things done in the best way
i love work
the challenge when you know it won't work out
and you have to think of something new
i love work
the knowing you can give someone that lead
and let them take the shine for once
i love work
the understanding each level's strength
and weakness
i love work
i love
to make it
work

if i could join the circus

if i could join the circus
i would be a clown
wearing heavy make-up
so you couldn't see my frown
making jokes
doing silly pranks
distracting you and myself
and running away

if i could join the circus
i'd be the dancing bear
led around on a fat hemp rope
diamante collar
and silly hat
and caged at all the other times
waiting for someone to
open it up
so i could
run away

if i could join the circus
i would glide on the trapeze
long hair flowing in the air
the crowd would ooh and ahh
wondering whether
you would catch my hands
and swing me towards the bar
you had just left
or let me fall
once landed
i could
run away

if i could join the circus
i wouldn't stay in town
i'd make a scheduled entrance
and know that i was going
so i wouldn't have to worry
about missing you at all
and everything i did would be
running away

if i could join the circus
i would be gone today
be glad i didn't have to
face the fact
that i am on a one way street
just running away

the town of no return

what made me go this far

the calling of the wild

the wanderlust

the pride

i left myself so vulnerable

no way that i could turn back now

from the town of no return



my intentions far too clear

didn't think i'd end up here

in a place with only one main street

and an empty chair

at the table

where i eat

this town of no return



it's no good knowing

that feelings have changed

when no one around you understands

you isolate yourself



it's no good explaining

time and again

when the language you speak

is not in local use



so i'll saddle my horse

when there's change in the air

and head for the tree-lined hills

my stay of execution must be nearly up

in the town of no return



and maybe

i can now move on

somewhere

wonder kind

how lucky i am in these arms
the heart that beats
for me alone
but we can't stay like this for long

i'm nearly waking up
the dream is over

and in the real time
work and sleep and play
distract me
through the monotone day
i hear the birds
not song but speech
discussing where they fly to next

i'm nearly to my bed
the dream begins

and in and out of continents
through jungles forests
tenements
you still are there
holding my hand
for once i haven't said goodbye
again

the sun is nearly up
the dream is over

and i am filled with wonder
kind , accepting of my place in life
but living somewhere in my head
makes me able to bear
the way things are

the heart that beats
for me alone
i let you go
without even knowing
so close
we were breathing for each other
i was you
and you were
what i now see in the mirror
standing behind me
glad you found me
again
i am in wonder
at the kindness of you
friend

i now go to my bed
the dreamwheel spins
again

in wonder
kind
we mend

enlightenment

we all need a litttle
but sometimes when it's dark
there seems to be none
to call from
to call for
you have to be brave to admit
you are needy
brave to admit
you can't make it alone
enlightenment comes
when you feel you're on your own

there's a hand on your shoulder
pushing you towards the door
even though you're afraid
of what you'll find out there
you know you have to go
enlightenment comes
when you let yourself find it

no easy recipe or guide down this road
each one tells a different story
comes from a different home
where seasons change
from warm to cold
from growth
to fruit
to fertile seeds
enlightenment comes
as the world unfolds

and even though the sights have changed
buildings gone
and trees cut down
and things have moved
to other towns
what the eyes see
the heart maintains
what your eyes see
in me remains
enlightenment
is just a thought away

appreciating plants & trees

you always saw down on new leaves
the crooked way the branches stretched
and you would ring
to tell me this
it's made me look
closer
ever since

you knew which birds
would nest in these
and which would nest in
next door's bushes
to avoid
the cats in yours

i counted on you telling me
that you had discovered
a new word to use
for the colour green
i just knew only you could have seen
that each plant in this garden
was dressed differently

and how you'd stand on the grass
with the hose
the green snake
you weren't afraid to hold
and quench the thirst
of the new growth
you had just planted
tended
days ago

you made nature come alive
to me
we smelled the roses
picked the peas
(before they reached a pan
i ate most of these)
you even planted a rose bush
just for me
red blooms
against our little yellow house
i watched it grow
as i sang and pushed myself
on our swing

but now some light has gone
today i reveled in the leaves
and realised something was lost
when seeing these
the lustre i had understood
no one else would
want or care to know about
i miss the way
you used to feel
the green
the scent
the season
the breeze

when you died i planted a small tree
but these don't thrive in England
the way they did
when
we were in the little yellow house
and you were teaching me
the art
of appreciating plants and trees

some things too early others too late

some things too early
some too late

i was a fresh young thing
i thought i had forever
now looking autumn in the face
i see the time is drawing closer

i dove deep without warning
without fear or sense
i let my heart live
outside my chest
i gave
without coming up for breath

in other things i dragged my feet
i found myself
long after
i had committed me
to a life long promise
of someone i wasn't really ready to be

so which road now
do i take forward
should i turn around
or look ahead

not got the energy to dive
but too afraid to turn around
and miss out
on life

some things too early
some too late
timing has never been
a strong point

and as this story writes itself
i think i'm in for
another chapter
of being in the wrong place
at the wrong time
with the wrong face
i'm in the wrong line

or maybe i have learned enough
to look on the bright side
and hope for the best
that this time
there is no late or early
just a stretch of time not moving
to just sit still
enjoy the view
and revel in the way
the sun plays
on this morning's promise
and the wonder of the new

feeding the birds

my cousin carol out on the ranch
had a bounty of wildlife on her land
elk, deer, cougars, coyotes, and wolves
all spotted and wondered over
as long as the livestock were safe

and one winter some pheasants arrived
with proud green heads and luxurious feathers
she fed them each morning
the came regularly
to feed on the bounty she provided
and she would watch
as their jerky heads pecked
and prodded the corn
at the end of her dirt road

one morning she looked out
and amongst the pheasant throng
she thought she noticed
two large brown dogs
curious to see if they were wild or tame
she cautiously walked out her front door
on getting closer she stood amazed

what she thought were dogs
were two large golden eagles
who came to prey
on the pheasants she attracted

i guess what she realised was harsh
but true
what she was feeding
was easier prey
to get eaten itself
and how she dealt with it
i never heard

in nature the plan is balanced
but cruel
though we try to amend it
it makes it's own rules
sometimes we need to look and not touch
not change what we see
just watch

two steps back

sailing into the wind
you take the wheel
and head for the horizon
everything's full steam ahead
no obstacles between
me and intended shores

and then the clouds start forming
a hurricane warning
the birds all gone
from the sky
i tie things down
make sure the sails stay intact
one step forward
and two steps back

and when the gods are finished making waves
assess the damage
clean up what remains
wash up brush up
get yourself back up
and push ahead

even though you feel prepared
you never can be sure
whether what you 've learned
will be enough
to face what's coming up
the impending sky could lead you
one step forward
and two steps back

and yet i have kind words
and hands to guide me
there is a love much greater
than myself
i know that on this ventured path
however i may pass or fail
these arms will hold me up

so hoist the mainsail
catch the wind
the smell of the sea is strong
it beckons me away
to find new ports of home
whatever luck befalls me
i leave in the hands of God
he teaches me
by leading me
one step forward
and two steps back
on step forward
and two steps back

in this shadow

in this shadow
where something grows
there is no light cast on it
still it exists
in its own world
for no one else to see
but you
and me

sometimes a lack of light
creates a warmth
that too much brightness
casts away
you need to huddle close
make sure you don't get lost
in this cave
of darkness

and somewhere further down
a garden in full flush of bloom
is shared by those
who know the way
to the core

in this shadow
i can see the silhouette
that no one else can trace
the things about your face
that only lovers know

in this shadow
there is no blindness
to the one
who follows the line
of your jaw
with her fingers
finders
keepers

and as the sun comes up
the whole thing disappears
was it just a dream
or was it real

in this shadow
the secret will be kept
for years

my words mean nothing

no matter what i say
my words mean nothing
to you

you know i've got it bad
but this means nothing
to you

say one thing in the midst of the crowd
but you never follow through
give the impression you mean what you say
but it never happens
why
am i such a fool

and why
do hearts collide and break
more shattered
than split in two

my words mean nothing
to you

no matter how it's played
this song means nothing
to you

i wish it wasn't the case
but it was written
for you

my journey winds
down a very long road
a drop of hope
leads me back to the start

when will i ever learn
that my words
mean nothing
to you

they never do

the cold

if i had ice skates
i could slide across this lake in no time
but they say it's not as frozen in the middle
as it is along the sides
how would it feel to be sucked up
under the ice

i don't know
i only know
i like the cold
when you breathe out
and the droplets turn to mist
to see the air
is something else

my nose and fingers feel it most
the cold
is keeping me moving
keeping me looking
to the edges of the sky
hoping i smell snow
and see the dense coloured sky
that predicts it moving in

then we could stay off school
build forts
have snowball fights
and dip toast
in hot chocolate

the only way
i would become an angel
is by making one
in the snow
on that hill over there
in the cold
i want to stay out all night

and tobbogan down the slippery hill
at the side of my house
until the snow has turned to ice
and it becomes more dangerous
in the cold

the crystal flakes
under the street lights
look like lacy diamonds
falling soft
against my cheek
and everywhere you look
the dry cold snow is sparkling
like glitter sprinkled everywhere
in the cold

and isn't it sad
when you wake up
and find your sweet white paradise
is melting in front of your eyes
as the warm front moves in
and the snowman's hat
is resting in a pile of slush

the cold
has gone
again

vision

oh to meet people with vision
makes me feel awake again
away from the games
and assumptions
away from the tame
happy to watch
and not join in

oh to see a bit further
than your eyes allow you to
to have a scene in your head
to follow it through
what a wonder
and joy it is
a blank canvas
that can turn into
anything you want it to

oh to cherish this
opportunity in my hands
i feel i have been given a boat
to save me
from the drowning waves

and thank you
so inadequate
is there no other word to fit
the way my heart is bursting out
the way my life is growing up
and out

oh hold and wonder in this
that life could be so unpredictable
that anything could happen
no
that anything will happen
we cannot determine
how this wind will blow

oh vision guide me
let me not be afraid to follow
what my heart my hands and head
contain
the beauty of which remains
to be built upon
even as we speak
i feel excitement mounting up in me
and every day
a chance
that what i dream
can be created
now that i can see

flying

over these mountains
and the quilt of fields and houses
i feel somehow spiritual
like in a church of sky
with nature's monument
below me

i am
flying
nestling in these clouds
this metal bird will carry me
home

all this time i've spent so high
travelling place to place
looking out this window
over the wing
your spirit rests in these clouds
i feel you carry me

i am
flying
nestling in these clouds
this metal bird will carry me
home

as we start our descent
and the roller coaster stomach
starts-I grab a strangers hand
and blush-I didn't set out to do that!
and suddenly i see
the snowcap ice cream mountain
and the lakes and ocean slotted in between
penninsulas and housing tracts
Seattle comes up to meet me

i am
landing
this metal bird
has carried me home
from a church of sky
where your spirit still resides

spirit lake

the black and white photo
of us wet in our bikini's
at spirit lake

a flood of memories
how cold the water was
a fish nibbled at your toes
you screamed
you didn't want to go in

i thought mt st helen's
had filled it up with ash
deleted it from the map
but someone told me
they had recently been
to spirit lake

we went out in uncle Darrell's
salty dog-he let us drive it
speeding over the service
with the wheel in my hands
captain in control
of the dark blue pool
called spirit lake

at night in the camper van
playing cards-i never win
your strategy's too good
and looking out the windows
at the pitch black night
you think it would be scary
but it seemed kind of exciting
will the spirit come out
of spirit lake

and waking up to aunt harriet's
coffee and pancakes
and the sky that named the colour blue
we couldn't wait to get dressed
go out
on that soft bed of pine needles and scent
and hope we saw some chipmunks
on the way
to spirit lake

how the memories flood
back just from looking at a photograph
i am so lucky that
we went
to spirit lake