precious stone

kindness is a salve
for this battered heart
sometimes
we stand out in the rain too long
or get burned by the sun
but i am blessed
with tenderness
and comfort
from this storm
i'm not alone
even though
next to me
is no one
inside me
i carry you
like
a precious stone
it weighs me down
so i don't float away
tell me again
how much you need me
tell me again
how much you want me to stay
or does it hurt too much
to be
brave enough to say
wonder is what keeps me open
keeps me alive
when everyday life
tries to kill off the drive
the desire to move forward
and not avoid
what's coming next
set off from here
and end up somewhere else
but still inside me
i carry you
like a precious stone
that weighs me down
so i don't float away
tell me again
how much you need me
tell me again
how much you want me to stay
will you be brave enough
to say the words
or leave them
for another day


a precious stone
will shoot out light
from every
angle cut
not able to keep
the shine in
so happy with it's lot
i carry you
inside me
everywhere

frightened

so much anger
so much pain
i don't know
from where it comes
it is directed at me
but
it is not about me
and all this time i have been a fool
trying so hard
to stick to your rules
trying so hard to
make you feel better
but all this made
it worse
so now
i can say nothing at all
i can say nothing at all
anything i say
will be held against me
in a court of law
where you judge all
where you have judged the world
from your lofty home
i hope you are happy there
now
for climbing this mountain
gets me
nowhere
i'll stay at
the bottom
now

the best thing

the best thing
when the chill rain falls
would be to be in your arms
but out the window you are distant
like the clouds
from which the rain falls
the best thing
when the heart gets sore
from beating far too long
is not to feel at all
but i can't
do anything about that
so the next best thing
is to pretend
that this doesn't mean
anything
and if this doesn't mean
anything
i am sunk
the best thing
when the sun goes down
would be to be
locking the door
behind us
locking the world
behind us
but the world
is between us now
the best thing
would be to hear your voice
from the other
side of the room
from the other side of the room
but now the room
is in another town
and i can't
do anything about that
so the next best thing is
to pretend that i am just dreaming
and if i am just dreaming
then this
doesn't mean anything
and if this
doesn't mean anything
i am sunk
you are
the best thing

clear

it is clear
by the light of the summer's end
that the leaves will softly fall
the night closes in earlier still
and the windows in the house
wear the mist
from the change in temperature

it is clear
by the lipstick red rose hips
and the hay trucks loaded down
how the sheep huddle closer than they did
a few weeks ago
just to stay warm

it is clear we are closer
to the morning frost
at the moment there's only a fog
but it won't be long
til it lifts off the ground
ringing trees in the early hours

the birds sing a shorter song
the squirrels run and gather
all day long
as the branches shed their yearly growth
i await the silver wand

it is clear
that autumn is slipping in
slipping through my fingers
slipping through my hair
it is clear
another year
is moving on
and i am
holding the sun

all around me

the soft tree lined wood
of your voice
is all around me
like a mossy bed
of sanctuary
all the cares
and disapointments cease
like the curved and silken flight of cranes
the sound lulls me to sleep
to dream
to cast aside
the world that will not cease
we climb the mountains
holding hands
the soft tree lined wood
of your voice
is
all around me
cherished peace
a sweet release
from what today may bring
a haven
where this temple
has a place
we meet between the waves
and breathe

the dream

i dreamt your sister drove you here
though you don't have a sister
it was a very narrow street

and when you came in and saw me there
you
disappointed went away
just went next door
to hide from me

i went out the front
and saw your car
still parked there
though i don't know
what kind of car you have

then someone on the street
came up and asked me
for the 10 quid
i had borrowed several years ago
though i never did
and she got mad
when i told her i didn't
have it

i woke up wondering what it all meant
the non- existent sister
the unknown car
the running next door
the borrowing that never was
the dream
was just
a dream
of course

blossom trees

under a row of blossom trees
i walk
my skirt flutters in the breeze
the cotton candy pink
blossom clouds
let go
like cherry-scented snowflakes
petals flutter
and fall
i stop
lie down on the moss green grass
and looking to the azure sky
through tangled webs
of branches
budding leaves
and blooms that still hold on
i realise
that someday budded leaves will
surface
change to crimson
fall
so i drink in this
cotton candy snowstorm
for now

interpretation

if i read the words
i may not get the story
in between the syllables
lie canyons rivers islands

oh for just a little light
to see your eyes in front of me
not in a picture on a screen
what then
would all this come to mean

would we be stranger to each other still
would we be sister brother
father mother
lover
would everything just come together
like it always should have been

if i just listen to the words
again
i hear a friend
and feel a stirring in the wind
the sky is calling me again
to go somewhere i've never been

my life a series
of stops and starts
some day i'll rest
and put down roots
if only what i hear and read
is what exists
in front of me

alive

sometimes i am in a place
no one else can see
and it is easy to go along
with what's around
so much easier
than trying to get someone to understand
how do i keep this alive
have i got the courage
have i got the love

the bravado is there
behind the little girl
is scared
scared of what she knows
and
what she feels no one will see
and missed out
are the words
she cannot say

but what's important at all costs
is keeping this alive
this spirit
and this heart
this wonder and this light
even if it means
the easy road is not
the one i have to take
alone and walking forward
in the dark
but still awake

the tender plan

to see this climb the wall
and trail down to the other side
to hold and tend this gentle
bursting in my chest
and in my head

to always act with grace
and humble focus and command
this is
the tender plan

to cradle soothe and comfort
when the world is cruel
unkind
to let the tears and hard words fall
disappear into
thin air

to always put the other first
forever be a friend
this is
the tender plan

walking with you
is the peace i'm looking for
living near you
would be a heaven
in an earthly town

these are but dreams
now awake i face the sunrise
this is my life
and as complex as a puzzle
pieces remain
that will not complete the picture

i'm thankful on this island
we can rest our weary loads
and share in
the tender plan

given

you can't hold back
what's already made it's way there
some things are set in stone
some things are flying home
and some things live
a life of their own
these are the things we learn from

your genuine nature
will shine in the end
at the start we're all afraid
whether we show it or not
in the middle we are warmer
and ready to begin
some things are unavoidable
easier giving in
easier giving in
and having what the world
has
given
given without question
without purpose
without cause
given
just because
it is
and does

you can't retrace your steps
and end up in the same place
looking back is necessary
but what's gone
cannot be had again
we plant we water we plow
we sow
until the season tells us to
start over
though it looks the same
the crop returns different again
some things are unavoidable
easier giving in
easier giving in
and having what the world
has
given
given without question
without purpose without cause
given just because
it is
and does
given just because

risking the heart

there's a soaring

there's an aliveness

never more certain

than risking the heart

all things pale against this trust

all things fall into the shade

as the light of this falls

your arms opening up

to collect the harvest you've won

it was all in the pure perseverance

of risking the heart

opening up

beating the drum

in the hopes someone hears

and the dance is begun

risking loss

risking losing

everything

and having nothing

believing is all you can do

when risking the heart

believing is all you can do

when risking the heart

don't say a word

so eloquent & so prosaic

it's you that leaves me lost for words

what is this flutter in my belly that makes my heart beat twice as fast

it's the same old thing i cannot figure

how i should react




feed me songs feed me stories

feed me of your common good

leave me to contemplate the meaning in a solitary wood

again i find myself confused and at a loss

what is the cost




don't say a word




why do you let me feel like this

then take away the map

that could help me find my way through this

i don't know how




don't say a word




ahhh




don't say a word




and like a silent clearing

i know you always will be there

even though it doesn't fit in the world that we live in

you can't deny fate from yourself




it's the same old thing

thought i was lost

but i am really found ahh ooh




don't say a word




don't your say a word ahhh don't say a word




don't you say it




don't say a word

keep a light on

all these days

travellin far and travellin wide

when i had it all inside to draw from

all this time

the nights were dark

i have been alone too long to find my way




so keep a light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep a light on

keep on




all this time

so much closer to the truth

so much closer to you than i thought

all these miles

never got me very far

never got me what i thought i wanted so




keep a light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep a light on

keep on




burning till the wick dies out

smoking in a pool of wax

burning till there's no way out

and you finally face yourself




all these nights

brought the promise of the day

brought you nearer to my door

than i hoped for

all these prayers have been answered with your smile

there is no road that gets me there

like your eyes

so keep the light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep the light on

keep on




keep the light on

keep the fire in your heart

keep the light on

keep on

keep on

these arms

don't know why we are here

but i know that i am

carrying some sort of burden

i can't support on my own

and thankfully though i have no answers

i will still take my chances

in these arms

hold on

i don't know when it all comes right

when greyer skies turn black or white

but i know this

i have a place i can rest in these arms

hold on

to the warm embrace that says the cold is over

to the warm embrace that makes all sense of chaos

to the warm embrace that rights everything that went wrong

all along we were here for each other

all along

i can't think of where tomorrow leads me forward

i can't say words that i don't even know

but here i find my sweet sanctuary

i am ever oh so lucky

in these arms

i am home

hold on

the silent moon

where have you been my friend

all sweet and white

cold hanging in the sky

but touched with light you seem so warm tonight

and by the morning you'll be gone

replaced by sources other than you know

sources that have made you shine

where have you been my friend

hiding under clouds

but i can still see the circle

like a coffee cup ring

embedded on the sky i always find you

don't try so hard to slip me by

there have you been my friend

all this time

forever mine

a gentle friend

no need to set the stage to preen or call you special names

you know me from the inside out

i know you from the start

a gentle friend is worth the light

the morning brings

and all the social niceties and pretty rings

dresses cars and houses cannot bring

the kind of joy that is harboured in your smile

when you see me coming near

you gentle friend

are worth the sunset at days end

and i don't have to explain

why i never call or write

every time we get together

no time has gone or ever be forgotten

never

gentle friend

my beginning and my end

we know each other so

that there is no unknown

and nothing to be frightened of

a gentle friend

is what i hope i am

these things hurt

like moving when your legs are worn and tired

your heart dare not go through this fire

full on again

but embers deeply scar

this river bed

this flowing water snagging branches low

where small birds sit to drink

to catch the bugs to think

and fly quick at the rapids call

you know you'll dance again to this slow tune

but pain becomes inevitable

when i know

your smile so well

and yet so far from me now

these things hurt

like brutal truth

that carves it's name in solid bark

and years will never let it go

oh these things hurt

tattoos like stars

embedded on your sky-like skin

keeping me alive and yet

the night the only time i see them coming out

in daylight

only pin-pricks from my dreams

oh these things hurt

you know

waiting

the wait and the wonder are flooding me

over and over again past the corner we stood on

the bench where we sat

i was so sure then

but with time all certainty goes

i grasp for the little things

hold on tight

your skin after we go for a swim

in the moonlight

many's the time i wish i could hold back your hair

look into your eyes and settle there

even though the light has now gone from the sky

your light from within is as bright as these stars

arcing over our heads in the still summer's night

the wait is worth guessing

the wonder the flood

when rain fills the butt

i will have what i want

a gift for words

he has a gift for words

he doesn't use them lightly

he helped me find the light when dark had fallen hard

he has a gift for words

he doesn't use too many

don't seem to be any that aren't meant to be there

oh i am so thankful for the time he spends

letting people know

this world we all live in is what we share

he cares and we all know

he has a gift for words

i only wish that i could give him something

that meant as much as this

the world can be cold and disillusioned

but the heart is in the paper and the pen

he has

a gift for words

and i am grateful

for it

the pearl

the pearl hides

in the oyster that's inside

built around the gravel ,storms and stronger winds

you have it all

and shine it will

tender

don't touch too much

there is a bruising here

where seeking shelter

makes you vulnerable

but also shows your strength

but oh the softness here

like seeds cast in the wind

riding the birds wing

i carry you everywhere

don't touch too much

unless you beg me stay

in this gentle harbour

i will find my sanctuary

from a weary day

in your hands

the touch is everything

but your hands could move mountains

the minute you decide

to come out of the hide

and bare the soul you keep inside

the current is strong

and the river flows-long with wide banks on each side

where you rest from the white water skimming the stones

stop chasing and bask in the sun for a while

in your hands the potential to heal

all the suffering

heal all the scars

tattooed in this energy

all in your hands

and waiting to thrive

to grow and replenish

in your hands is cessation

to all of the pain

in your hands resolution

pure love and release

all this time looking out

when it always was

in your hands

the weeping willow

the soft hewn branches

fingers shedding leaves in water

this river is neverending

this tree is draping over the waterline

sheltering ducks and water coots

under it's tender arms

the weeping willow

makes a sheltered home

and even in my alleyway i grab the branches

and swing

sometimes they break

sometimes they hold my weight

but always in the wind i hear their swishing call

the weeping willow

whispers all

its tears are only rain that falls

weakness

falling

falling fast and hard

falling like a blizzard in a desert

not knowing how to stop the downward float

the downward deep

and then the swinging flight back up

the weakness is the only strength i know

the weakness keeps me genuine

the weakness keeps me warm

the weakness of believing in the good of every soul

in the good of every outstretched hand

take hold

in weakness

we are born

goodnight

sweet light of day is tired

we must recumbent lie and gain our strength

tomorrow requires every sinew

in these soft and truthful arms

stay awhile and quench the thirst

your soul has hungered for

tomorrow leave no stone unturned

no smile allowed to simmer slow behind a cloud

right now we sleep

replenish sparks and hold stars deep

behind our eyes

with thoughts entwined and hair spread on the pillow

the dreams yet to be dreamed are calling

begging 'please remember'

as the morning starts to rise

but...for now in quiet silence lie

goodnight

the caving in

the caving in
that aching thing
when suddenly the ticking gets too loud
and you realise
that yes you
will never be the same again
and maybe it was foolish
to expect it ever would be
any different

it's coming

off on the horizon

all the build up see the wind

bending trees and sending leaves

airbound

it's coming see them running for the sheltered woods

in herds

the deer like open wounds

are sensitive to change

it's coming

all the growing and the care is sprouting buds

new answers to old questions

shedding light like summer sun

it's coming

and i'm ready

for once

sailing close to the dream

if you sail close to the dream
you must expect a rough current
a tossing in the waves
and an unknown storm moving forward
there will be times of calm
and days when nothing moves
just the call of the gull and the sway of the sails
as the boat rises and falls
some days you get lost in the mist
not knowing when it will clear
not knowing when next you will navigate by the stars
and still
though the journey is full of unknowns
and your ship will oft slip off course
you can rest in the fact you have done what you can
the only thing worse
would be
never to venture off shore
and wonder what could have been born

white

i sat on this hill in the dark

and looked down on the lights in the valley town

as they blinked and went out one by one

the night was warm and slid off my skin

like the white

light of the moon

and casting shadows across the way

dusted silver grass

the lake so still

with a big white

circle reflected in the middle

and suddenly i am so blessed

out here in this quiet place

no noise no anchor holding me

just the white

stark light of the moon

in the black death of night

and i feel every bit of me

coming up for air

finally after holding on

so long

i let go

and the white

bright light of the moon

allows me to shed the tears

i held onto for so long

as they slide down my cheekbones

towards my mouth and chin

the valley town below is just a place

and i am only attached to those i love

the only way a place becomes a home

is underneath the white

teeth of your smile

the moon is now a sliver

white

and worn

and you are all the white

the dark the light

the one

intuition

like an animal knows its way home
in the dark
like the feeling that feeds itself
on what it has inside
and like the wind that blows over
the strongest tree in the wood
this is bigger than any of us
and move with it we will

and knowing this gives grace
and humility
bowing to what you cannot change
will make of you
what you will be
and more than you could ever dream
trust
in the thoughts, the feelings
the life that guides you to this storm
trust
that calm and warmth
awaits you
on the other side
of this steep and somehow solemn slope
the meadow will be sweeter
if you let your intuition
take you there
trust and intuition make you
gentle
strong and fair
intuition
is the heart of the matter
trust
is the love that makes you dare

lost in shadow

sometimes the brightest star
is lost
to the shadow
lost in the corner
where no one sees
shining too bright
blinding
outright
can't stop the light
but
maybe
just maybe
some day
someone will see
and the star will shine
in the proper sky
not under the cloud
you now see

waiting for someone to
be able to see
that what meets the eye
is not all there is
that
lost in shadow
is the greatest gift
a treasure unknown
and rarely seen
until then
lost in shadow
is how it will be

keep going

the road is rocky and rough
and your legs feel numb
your feet hurt and you are
hungry and tired
keep going
until you find your way back
these beautiful hills will mark your path
keep going
you are nearly there

the air feels still and warm
you wish you had a breeze to cool you off
you wish you had someone
who would take you out of this
keep going
there is something more at the end
that you need to find
and you won't
if you turn around
keep going
you are nearly there

so many times before
you got to this point
not knowing where to turn
compass , stars
the angle of the sun
trees growing all one side
cannot help you now

you have worked
the sweat is earned
the tears have dried
the seam is sown
keep going
you are in the right town
you are with the right friend
you are where you need to be
keep going
you are nearly home

open heart

i am in surgery
this is an open heart
it needs new valves
they've all been worn out
beating far too hard

and how much joy this heart
has seen -i'll write a million songs
but they would never match
the sweetness of you
don't stop doing what you do
the sweetness of you
like sticky toffee pudding

i am now in xray
this is an open heart
i have been stitched together
been given a new lease of life

and how much joy this heart will feel
now only tomorrow will know
i'll sing a million songs
but they will never match
the sweetness of you
keep doing all the little things you do
the sweetness of you
like cookies cake and candy

i am now ok
my open heart is mended
stronger loved and tended
life blood flowing through

and now i can return the joy to you

still

sit
still
for a minute i can hear the tap drip
the time tick
deeper i go
and they all disappear
until
i am
still
as undisturbed water
and under the clouds
the blue sky remains there
as calm
as the sea in a lull
still
as the animals before a storm
as they wait to see which form
it will take
wind rain heat or snow
still
as forever
i am still here
for you whether you want me to be
or not
i am still here
and always will be
still
hope against hope
that it works out
in the quiet way
that i can see
where the beauty is
always was
never doubted
for a moment it would be
still
after it all
still

the axis of the world

here at the base
i look up
the sky is clear dark blue
and darker at the pinnacle
this mountain
an ancient pyramid
covered in snow
the air up here
so cold and clean
i'm breathing dizzy
with it all

and here converges
valleys, rivers, gorges
and plateaus
animals free to ramble
roam
make the land home
alongside man
not above or below

and taking on your sorrow
and your burden
i will nest it in my open heart
and feel the joy in lightening you
while lightening myself
watch the sadness and the pain
feather off
in the black smoke
that once was all the weight
we carried
for so long
the axis of the world
feeds each and everyone

the harsh reality

you intentions are honourable
my heart is sinking into the abyss
i may lose you
to the gun
the foreign rain
the blood that spills
for conquest
gain
protecting fellow man
and ideologies
while the bed stays empty
and i can't sleep
or eat

your actions are commendable
i am screaming nightmares
of a folded flag on a coffin
you fly out
in two months
a lifetime must be lived
between us now
and carried with you
how
will you remember
the scent of my hair
if the smoke and guts
numb you dead

your motivation is laudable
my desperation is palpable
the situation is impossible


and the harsh reality is
you will leave
and i will never love like this again
relaxed and free of worry
care
if you return
i won't be able to leave you alone
if the unthinkable occurs
my heart
will stop
with yours

into these hills

as i walk these hills with you
i remember you as small
with a tiny hand
and a curly head
looking out on the world with awe

so full of life
and ready for the puddles
mud
did not deter you
from the laughter
that they brought
me
and you

but as i walk these hills with you
you tower over me now
your dreams need wings
to take you where
i cannot go
and i realise
this will one day soon
be just a memory
and every breath and every step
was all of life to me

but as with migratory birds
i cannot hold you now
your heart is calling
follow the dream
and i must let you go
with a glad wish
and a happy thought
i'll think of you each day

as i walk into these hills alone
your inspiration carries me
aloft
adrift
above
and home

work-a definition

i bring home a pay cheque
but my children miss out on me
this is work

to put a roof over their heads
i have to make enough
to miss out on their growing up

to care for them when i'm away
i have to make enough
to pay someone else
to share in their development
and miss out on it all myself

if only i could turn it on it's head
so nurture could be seen as work
and someone would pay me
to give the special gift
that only i can give to them

then maybe
just maybe
i could give the sort of things
they are now missing out on

the pay cheque would not be
money but the gift to the community
of people who have a deep belonging
and understanding of themselves

this paper pay cheque
is a monument
to an old way of
the value of things
while we all miss out
on what's important

is this work

or subtle cruelty

two of me

there seem to be

two of me

the one who says no
with utter conviction
'cause i know my role
at work
but the other one
finds saying no harder
turns inward and shyer
there's more to be gained
by saying yes
at home

the me away is cool and convincing
sure of what i'm saying
conscious of what i'm doing
i know my place
at work

the other me
is still on the fence
concerned weighing up
all the possible choices
more subtle turns
more considered voices
at home

how would it be if the 'me-s' changed places
would anyone notice
would anyone question
the different responses
and varied directions
it might not be a bad thing

the two of me
may meet
exchange notes
maybe learn something new
and shake hands
in the end

w o r k

willing
occupation
receives
kudos

the dovetail joint

it needs no nail or glue
just slots together
like a lifelong search has found its
other
like discordant matches have all been forsaken
with the dovetail joint no room for air
because it's so close and comfortable
nothing can ever pull it apart
it's so close and comfortable
like something meant to be
it's so close and comfortable
each side clings to the other
for the strength in between

see these hands

See these hands
all wrinkles and veins
feeding and bathing
and washing
and making the meals
that keep you sustained
ironing shirts and making beds
making sure all you need
is ready if and when
you need it.....this is what i do
after i get home from the job
where i get paid
i read somewhere that the world had changed
and all the things i enjoy
are not classed as work
so i have to do more just to earn my way
and get into the rut
on the wheel of everyday
...fortunately i have saved a little back
for myself
so i can still enjoy the little things
like feeding and bathing
washing and making the meals
that keep you sustained
even after i get home
from the job
where i get paid
see these hands
they are well used
and well made
and they will
write their own history
even if the life has been sucked out of me
after i get home
from the job
where i get paid

i love work

the toil and thinking you're getting somewhere
i love work
the friendship the trying to figure out
how to get things done in the best way
i love work
the challenge when you know it won't work out
and you have to think of something new
i love work
the knowing you can give someone that lead
and let them take the shine for once
i love work
the understanding each level's strength
and weakness
i love work
i love
to make it
work

if i could join the circus

if i could join the circus
i would be a clown
wearing heavy make-up
so you couldn't see my frown
making jokes
doing silly pranks
distracting you and myself
and running away

if i could join the circus
i'd be the dancing bear
led around on a fat hemp rope
diamante collar
and silly hat
and caged at all the other times
waiting for someone to
open it up
so i could
run away

if i could join the circus
i would glide on the trapeze
long hair flowing in the air
the crowd would ooh and ahh
wondering whether
you would catch my hands
and swing me towards the bar
you had just left
or let me fall
once landed
i could
run away

if i could join the circus
i wouldn't stay in town
i'd make a scheduled entrance
and know that i was going
so i wouldn't have to worry
about missing you at all
and everything i did would be
running away

if i could join the circus
i would be gone today
be glad i didn't have to
face the fact
that i am on a one way street
just running away

the town of no return

what made me go this far

the calling of the wild

the wanderlust

the pride

i left myself so vulnerable

no way that i could turn back now

from the town of no return



my intentions far too clear

didn't think i'd end up here

in a place with only one main street

and an empty chair

at the table

where i eat

this town of no return



it's no good knowing

that feelings have changed

when no one around you understands

you isolate yourself



it's no good explaining

time and again

when the language you speak

is not in local use



so i'll saddle my horse

when there's change in the air

and head for the tree-lined hills

my stay of execution must be nearly up

in the town of no return



and maybe

i can now move on

somewhere

wonder kind

how lucky i am in these arms
the heart that beats
for me alone
but we can't stay like this for long

i'm nearly waking up
the dream is over

and in the real time
work and sleep and play
distract me
through the monotone day
i hear the birds
not song but speech
discussing where they fly to next

i'm nearly to my bed
the dream begins

and in and out of continents
through jungles forests
tenements
you still are there
holding my hand
for once i haven't said goodbye
again

the sun is nearly up
the dream is over

and i am filled with wonder
kind , accepting of my place in life
but living somewhere in my head
makes me able to bear
the way things are

the heart that beats
for me alone
i let you go
without even knowing
so close
we were breathing for each other
i was you
and you were
what i now see in the mirror
standing behind me
glad you found me
again
i am in wonder
at the kindness of you
friend

i now go to my bed
the dreamwheel spins
again

in wonder
kind
we mend

enlightenment

we all need a litttle
but sometimes when it's dark
there seems to be none
to call from
to call for
you have to be brave to admit
you are needy
brave to admit
you can't make it alone
enlightenment comes
when you feel you're on your own

there's a hand on your shoulder
pushing you towards the door
even though you're afraid
of what you'll find out there
you know you have to go
enlightenment comes
when you let yourself find it

no easy recipe or guide down this road
each one tells a different story
comes from a different home
where seasons change
from warm to cold
from growth
to fruit
to fertile seeds
enlightenment comes
as the world unfolds

and even though the sights have changed
buildings gone
and trees cut down
and things have moved
to other towns
what the eyes see
the heart maintains
what your eyes see
in me remains
enlightenment
is just a thought away

appreciating plants & trees

you always saw down on new leaves
the crooked way the branches stretched
and you would ring
to tell me this
it's made me look
closer
ever since

you knew which birds
would nest in these
and which would nest in
next door's bushes
to avoid
the cats in yours

i counted on you telling me
that you had discovered
a new word to use
for the colour green
i just knew only you could have seen
that each plant in this garden
was dressed differently

and how you'd stand on the grass
with the hose
the green snake
you weren't afraid to hold
and quench the thirst
of the new growth
you had just planted
tended
days ago

you made nature come alive
to me
we smelled the roses
picked the peas
(before they reached a pan
i ate most of these)
you even planted a rose bush
just for me
red blooms
against our little yellow house
i watched it grow
as i sang and pushed myself
on our swing

but now some light has gone
today i reveled in the leaves
and realised something was lost
when seeing these
the lustre i had understood
no one else would
want or care to know about
i miss the way
you used to feel
the green
the scent
the season
the breeze

when you died i planted a small tree
but these don't thrive in England
the way they did
when
we were in the little yellow house
and you were teaching me
the art
of appreciating plants and trees

some things too early others too late

some things too early
some too late

i was a fresh young thing
i thought i had forever
now looking autumn in the face
i see the time is drawing closer

i dove deep without warning
without fear or sense
i let my heart live
outside my chest
i gave
without coming up for breath

in other things i dragged my feet
i found myself
long after
i had committed me
to a life long promise
of someone i wasn't really ready to be

so which road now
do i take forward
should i turn around
or look ahead

not got the energy to dive
but too afraid to turn around
and miss out
on life

some things too early
some too late
timing has never been
a strong point

and as this story writes itself
i think i'm in for
another chapter
of being in the wrong place
at the wrong time
with the wrong face
i'm in the wrong line

or maybe i have learned enough
to look on the bright side
and hope for the best
that this time
there is no late or early
just a stretch of time not moving
to just sit still
enjoy the view
and revel in the way
the sun plays
on this morning's promise
and the wonder of the new

feeding the birds

my cousin carol out on the ranch
had a bounty of wildlife on her land
elk, deer, cougars, coyotes, and wolves
all spotted and wondered over
as long as the livestock were safe

and one winter some pheasants arrived
with proud green heads and luxurious feathers
she fed them each morning
the came regularly
to feed on the bounty she provided
and she would watch
as their jerky heads pecked
and prodded the corn
at the end of her dirt road

one morning she looked out
and amongst the pheasant throng
she thought she noticed
two large brown dogs
curious to see if they were wild or tame
she cautiously walked out her front door
on getting closer she stood amazed

what she thought were dogs
were two large golden eagles
who came to prey
on the pheasants she attracted

i guess what she realised was harsh
but true
what she was feeding
was easier prey
to get eaten itself
and how she dealt with it
i never heard

in nature the plan is balanced
but cruel
though we try to amend it
it makes it's own rules
sometimes we need to look and not touch
not change what we see
just watch

two steps back

sailing into the wind
you take the wheel
and head for the horizon
everything's full steam ahead
no obstacles between
me and intended shores

and then the clouds start forming
a hurricane warning
the birds all gone
from the sky
i tie things down
make sure the sails stay intact
one step forward
and two steps back

and when the gods are finished making waves
assess the damage
clean up what remains
wash up brush up
get yourself back up
and push ahead

even though you feel prepared
you never can be sure
whether what you 've learned
will be enough
to face what's coming up
the impending sky could lead you
one step forward
and two steps back

and yet i have kind words
and hands to guide me
there is a love much greater
than myself
i know that on this ventured path
however i may pass or fail
these arms will hold me up

so hoist the mainsail
catch the wind
the smell of the sea is strong
it beckons me away
to find new ports of home
whatever luck befalls me
i leave in the hands of God
he teaches me
by leading me
one step forward
and two steps back
on step forward
and two steps back

in this shadow

in this shadow
where something grows
there is no light cast on it
still it exists
in its own world
for no one else to see
but you
and me

sometimes a lack of light
creates a warmth
that too much brightness
casts away
you need to huddle close
make sure you don't get lost
in this cave
of darkness

and somewhere further down
a garden in full flush of bloom
is shared by those
who know the way
to the core

in this shadow
i can see the silhouette
that no one else can trace
the things about your face
that only lovers know

in this shadow
there is no blindness
to the one
who follows the line
of your jaw
with her fingers
finders
keepers

and as the sun comes up
the whole thing disappears
was it just a dream
or was it real

in this shadow
the secret will be kept
for years

my words mean nothing

no matter what i say
my words mean nothing
to you

you know i've got it bad
but this means nothing
to you

say one thing in the midst of the crowd
but you never follow through
give the impression you mean what you say
but it never happens
why
am i such a fool

and why
do hearts collide and break
more shattered
than split in two

my words mean nothing
to you

no matter how it's played
this song means nothing
to you

i wish it wasn't the case
but it was written
for you

my journey winds
down a very long road
a drop of hope
leads me back to the start

when will i ever learn
that my words
mean nothing
to you

they never do

the cold

if i had ice skates
i could slide across this lake in no time
but they say it's not as frozen in the middle
as it is along the sides
how would it feel to be sucked up
under the ice

i don't know
i only know
i like the cold
when you breathe out
and the droplets turn to mist
to see the air
is something else

my nose and fingers feel it most
the cold
is keeping me moving
keeping me looking
to the edges of the sky
hoping i smell snow
and see the dense coloured sky
that predicts it moving in

then we could stay off school
build forts
have snowball fights
and dip toast
in hot chocolate

the only way
i would become an angel
is by making one
in the snow
on that hill over there
in the cold
i want to stay out all night

and tobbogan down the slippery hill
at the side of my house
until the snow has turned to ice
and it becomes more dangerous
in the cold

the crystal flakes
under the street lights
look like lacy diamonds
falling soft
against my cheek
and everywhere you look
the dry cold snow is sparkling
like glitter sprinkled everywhere
in the cold

and isn't it sad
when you wake up
and find your sweet white paradise
is melting in front of your eyes
as the warm front moves in
and the snowman's hat
is resting in a pile of slush

the cold
has gone
again

vision

oh to meet people with vision
makes me feel awake again
away from the games
and assumptions
away from the tame
happy to watch
and not join in

oh to see a bit further
than your eyes allow you to
to have a scene in your head
to follow it through
what a wonder
and joy it is
a blank canvas
that can turn into
anything you want it to

oh to cherish this
opportunity in my hands
i feel i have been given a boat
to save me
from the drowning waves

and thank you
so inadequate
is there no other word to fit
the way my heart is bursting out
the way my life is growing up
and out

oh hold and wonder in this
that life could be so unpredictable
that anything could happen
no
that anything will happen
we cannot determine
how this wind will blow

oh vision guide me
let me not be afraid to follow
what my heart my hands and head
contain
the beauty of which remains
to be built upon
even as we speak
i feel excitement mounting up in me
and every day
a chance
that what i dream
can be created
now that i can see

flying

over these mountains
and the quilt of fields and houses
i feel somehow spiritual
like in a church of sky
with nature's monument
below me

i am
flying
nestling in these clouds
this metal bird will carry me
home

all this time i've spent so high
travelling place to place
looking out this window
over the wing
your spirit rests in these clouds
i feel you carry me

i am
flying
nestling in these clouds
this metal bird will carry me
home

as we start our descent
and the roller coaster stomach
starts-I grab a strangers hand
and blush-I didn't set out to do that!
and suddenly i see
the snowcap ice cream mountain
and the lakes and ocean slotted in between
penninsulas and housing tracts
Seattle comes up to meet me

i am
landing
this metal bird
has carried me home
from a church of sky
where your spirit still resides

spirit lake

the black and white photo
of us wet in our bikini's
at spirit lake

a flood of memories
how cold the water was
a fish nibbled at your toes
you screamed
you didn't want to go in

i thought mt st helen's
had filled it up with ash
deleted it from the map
but someone told me
they had recently been
to spirit lake

we went out in uncle Darrell's
salty dog-he let us drive it
speeding over the service
with the wheel in my hands
captain in control
of the dark blue pool
called spirit lake

at night in the camper van
playing cards-i never win
your strategy's too good
and looking out the windows
at the pitch black night
you think it would be scary
but it seemed kind of exciting
will the spirit come out
of spirit lake

and waking up to aunt harriet's
coffee and pancakes
and the sky that named the colour blue
we couldn't wait to get dressed
go out
on that soft bed of pine needles and scent
and hope we saw some chipmunks
on the way
to spirit lake

how the memories flood
back just from looking at a photograph
i am so lucky that
we went
to spirit lake

fortunate

fortunate
that you once stopped by
and still are coming back
to rest a while and listen

fortunate
that i have got to know
the you on paper
anyway I have seen your face
on video
and heard your voice
but never been in the same room with you

fortunate
to have made your aquaintance
right now
the world seems small
it always was
and always will be
space is an illusion
the world lets us live with

fortunate
to have you in my life
for any time
in any sort of place
the words
define the meaning
in my mind
the defining of feelings
is a tender business

fortunate
that we seem to be
on the same wavelength
silently travelling
down the glass cable lines

fortunate

good night and thank you

good night and thank you
so glad i found you
you don't know who you are
maybe you never will

but you are my muse and my arbiter
my saint my sinner
the measure i look up to

good night and thank you
i'd like to read a little more
but i'm too tired to
your words are like
bread to a hungry
child
and now that i have read them
i cannot do without them

good night and thank you
i will never tire
from giving you your just
reward
the accolade you earned
by working hard
not maybe sweat
but sheer emotion
rage and quiet
hand in hand

good night and thank you
though you may not accept my praise
it comes from somewhere
deep and true
like fresh well water
untapped
untainted
and unashamed

good night
and thank you
all the same

aunty florence writes

aunty florence writes ronald leslie jr's wife
had a little darling girl
and she was born
the day her daddy sailed
to Germany

and six months later her daddy would return
he sent her
a teddy bear
with a music box
mommy took off the teddy's eyes
so little darling girl
would not pull them off
and choke herself

the second grandchild so far
spoiled and coddled
like a new lain egg
with family all around her

this little darling girl
conceived of love
and doted on
reading before she should have done
she entertained
and made them smile
from dusk to dawn

aunty florence writes
we are so proud of our darling
her name is holly ann
the very picture of her dad
she is so cute
she makes great grandpa harry
stick out his chest
not saying anything about myself
ha ha

the love remained
the little girl grew up
the mom and dad are gone

the love that was given
is now being passed on
to all that cross the path
and stay a while
the love is now the gift
at once received
now carried on

tidal

these things are tidal
from the crest
to the concave water roll
the foam and spray
the birds call as they follow
up and down

these things are tidal
the eddys and pools left
behind the moving sea
come in
go out
come in again

these things are tidal
the magic in these pockets
urchins
tiny starfish
hermit crabs
and jelly fish
holed out in their tiny puddle pond
and i bend down
to gaze awhile
and take in what i see

these things are tidal
my heart is pulled
from ribcage to spine
guided by the moon
and the wayward stars
the gravity draws me down
to you
and you come up for air
and nothing is between us
but time
and love

these things are tidal
i wish they would stay
a little longer
how good it would feel
to know where i stood
by more
than the present
astronomy

the shape of the moon
is not enough
to count on
these things are tidal

restless

restless
not sitting still for anything
my mind
is racing
the beat inside me
is driving me
the car is
out of control
i am digging
my own hole

restless
if the weather doesn't turn
i won't know what to wear
a coat
or none
i take it with me
take it off
then put it on
i'll carry it
after all

restless
i read this page
three times over
and still
don't know what it says
maybe put it down
no
i'll pick it up again
the letters jumping off the paper
i can't
make them into words
that matter
i'll get up and make a drink

i used to have a calm side
when you could put your hand on mine
when you knew
i needed you to

but since you don't come round much anymore
i have lost the peace i found
when you were here
the peace i had
when you were near
is something from the past
something so dear
i daren't remember it now

restless
wind stop pushing me
the leaves
are falling off the trees
bearing branches
uncovering the vulnerability
i have to go now
i can't sit still
no hand on my shoulder
to stop the jumping up
and going out

cry

water leak
and spill
take your time
down my cheek
and off my chin

something inside
made you run
made you drip
from my eyes

cry

when it's the only thing
that makes you feel alive
and please don't hide
i've spent years
getting you to come out
i've spent years
getting you to open up

and now the flood
the deluge
and the river
to the sea
where the salt feeds
the hungry waves

cherished water
spring from me
i am so glad that i can
be in the emotion
i am living in
not caring
what others may say
or see

cry
sometimes the only resolution
to an impossible situation
i can see
but

i can't see through these tears
right now
as i
cry

take me by the hand
and comfort me

ash & embers

so easy to catch a thing on fire
the label reads highly flammable
but no one really reads these anymore

and once the golden licks of heat take hold
it's not so easy putting them out
as it was to get them dancing full

but no one really thinks about how the fire burns
eating along the face of what it catches hold
in seconds what was firm and bright
is blackened, melted, shedding, morphed

ash & embers
all that is remembered gone

the house that used to live here
now a pile of grey-black sticks
and melted metal bones

even when it looks like it's put out
and wet from water being pumped
in bucket loads
don't touch
where little strands of smoke arise
what's left is still too hot
to move
to hold

ash & embers
all that is remembered gone

so when the match is struck
and you are ready for the burst
of light
remember how what's beautiful
can quickly burn out of control

ash & embers
all that is remembered gone

i wanted to keep warm
but the fire went too far

i don't know what you want

i know you
from the inside out
from the outside in
i have seen you
cry
breathe
brake things
sin
smile and laugh
and sleep

but i still
don't know what you want

i've seen you
from every angle
and in every light
in the noisy bars
and the silent nights

but i still
don't know what you want

when you come to me
with that smile
i know i am in trouble
you want something i'm not sure
of
i feel it
but this is not the way it's supposed to be
it doesn't fit in with the way the world is
it doesn't fit in with the way my world is

and i still
don't know what you want

it should be so straight forward
after all this time
of sharing all these things
tears and happiness
over things we have built
and yet

is still
don't know
what you want

an epiphany

on this bus
i ride everyday
i look out sleepily
at the buildings
cars
and signs
on my way home
start thinking what i'll cook for tea
and how i can distract myself
until it's time for bed

but as i looked out leisurely
i wasn't really seeing
inside my head
a sweet epiphany
of you
walking your dog
and wishing me well
i kept it in my head
until my eyes were closed

after tea with dishes washed
and feet put up
and tv on
and not really watching much
the ritual completed
for another day

and still inside my head
a sweet epiphany
of you walking your dog
and wishing me well
i kept it in myself
until the light was out

water & sky

water and sky are flowing
and i am in between
one is wet
the other dry
i cannot see where one
ends and the other begins
i cannot separate myself
from these

and when i walk this open road
the sky is over me
and when i swim this rocky sea
the water
holds me in it's arms
and cradles me

i cannot see where one ends
and the other begins
i cannot separate myself from these

i am the bird that soars and hovers
covers ground on wing
i am the fish that slips and sways
through tidal pools and water weeds

i cannot see where one ends
and the other begins
i cannot separate myself from these

water and sky are flowing
and i am in between
one is wet
the other dry
i cannot see
where one ends
and the other begins
i cannot separate myself from these

a special place

there is a special place
for you
in this echo that i call myself
the echo that keeps ringing
through these hills

where resonance keeps ringing out
and bouncing off the walls
the town may be asleep
they may not hear or see
but in your gentle nature
you know everything

without using a word
the sound sings out
the tide is coming in
and stroking the shore
in the way only it knows how
with gentle strands of seaweed
fish carcasses and shells

there is a special place
for you
in the echo that i call myself
the echo that keeps ringing
through these hills

you have nature in your hand
you feed it
you know how to make things grow
and keep them happy through
the seasons
from the hopeful spring
to the sleeping winter months
you nurture things

there is a special place
for you in the echo that i call myself
the echo that keeps ringing
through these hills
and always will

clear morning sky

when the day is just waking up
and the light creeps up slow
and generates the colours
as the sun climbs
slowly from it's bed
to peek up over the edge
of the horizon

there is somehow a different feel
to the air
to the ground
to the way the birds f ly
in the clear morning sky

my mind is like a new born child
awaiting what the day will bring
and open to the sights and sounds
the early hours bring
and as the shadows grow longer
the sun has gone higher
and the leaves and blades of grass
are bathing in the light
the gold orb gives

it is somehow a different thing
in the field
the street
the cleft of the hill
in the clear morning sky

and the day travels on
as the sun slides over
from one side of my town
to the other
and homeward and weary i go
as above me the light decreases
the birds have stopped singing
and hopped under cover
and my mind is full of the things
this time has brought me
and the sun drops
completely out of the picture

i close my eyes in the certainty
there will be a new chance of breath
and hope
and answered prayer
in the clear morning sky

night begins

the light left silently
over my shoulder
before I knew it the dark
had fallen
night begins
and with it goes my day

away i see it drift
all the busy-ness
importance gone
remembering how new it was
before i left the morning bed
before i had my first coffee
and the dog and cat were fed

and now that
night begins
i look back on what i think i did
and whether it now seems
a valued use of energy
some things i've been part of today
were fine-sublime
some of it was a waste of time

more sure than any dent i make
will be the fact that this day ends
and night begins
go round again

i wonder how i'll feel when night ends
and day begins again

as night begins
i hope for dreams like rafts
to carry me safely
over this dark sea
and meet the sun
as it comes
up over the far horizon

as night begins
i look forward to the sleep
and back to what i should have done
and hope tomorrow
i can say
i start out from a different place
further down my path

as night begins
i think all this
i see inside my hollow head
the flitting thoughts
and cherished wishes
as night ends
i wait for day
to dawn again

i have to go

i have to go
i am leaving now
leaving all that's certain
all that's warm

this bed has harboured me too long
too long in dreams i tossed
the sea was rough
i need to get up

i have to go
i am leaving now
leaving the safety of your arms
to sail unchartered waters
whose depth i cannot measure
i will take the chance
drown or swim
i can survive
i know

i have to go
i am leaving now
don't make the parting kiss too long
or i will change my mind
i know
a woman i may be
but the child inside is crying now

i have to go
i am leaving now
don't say goodbye
just use your eyes
and i will carry your scent
and your smile
on me and in me
to carry me over the storms
like a bridge
over a flooding river
i am torn
don't turn around

i have to go
i am leaving now
leaving behind
the soft pillow
the hands
and the arms
that hold me fast
and free me

though
i have to go
in spirit i will still be here
though i am leaving now

you know

my black dog

she's waiting patiently
tail shifting back and forth
feathery hair shining soft

her eyes are filming over now
but she can see me better than most people
i know

her hearing seems to going off
she doesn't bark as much
when a stranger knocks

we have walked and run
played in the morning
played in the rain
entertained the neighbourhood kids
and those in our family

she doesn't even seem to mind the cat
much

and when i get to the door at night
and unlock it
who is first to greet me
as if she is really smiling
having missed me

who is happy with a simple feed
one or two treats
and a stroke in between
she never seems to be judging me

who knows when i am feeling low
and lays her head in my lap
all warm
for a stroke and a cuddle

sally
my black dog

something out of nothing

how can i make something out of nothing
i can't put a thing
in a vacuum without it disappearing
without it being eaten up
and gone
and nothing

but what is the something
i can feel and taste and see
i can describe it
what it is to me
to you may be a completely different thing

and if you held this something in your hand
would you describe it as square
or round
for you would it be rough or smooth
what colours would you recognise
as the light broke through

making something out of nothing
is not only possible
but usually how the world creates
most of what it knows
as long as what you're making
is something worth creating
the question is
how do we ever know

how will we ever know
unless we have a go

my heart has stopped

the beating like wings
feathered and flying
my heart has stopped
for a while

the thump and the pound
there was once rhythm there
but now
my heart has stopped
for a while

for a while it got up speed
and broke free from my chest
i almost gave my heart
to someone else

but the pace was making me
sick
sick and tired
and losing the will
my heart has stopped
for a while

the thudding and the jumping
on the screen the line is still moving
i am still looking for something
but
my heart has stopped
for a while

the pumping and the juddering
it's seeming to be irregular
but maybe someday
a heart will stop
for me
for now

my heart has stopped
and stalled

i finally see the sky

today i finally see the sky
after so many days when it remained hidden
behind a blanket of clouds

oh for that touch of blue i have prayed
and my prayers have been answered
today
i will not let this touch of blue
slip by
without enjoying
what i'm standing under

gazing up i'll smile
and see this as a gift
for somehow doing right
amidst the things that i've done wrong
though fortunately
the weather
is not determined
by my actions
or my songs

gazing up i'll sigh
and hope the sky will still be there
without the clouds
when i have the chance to go outside
and revel in it's blueness

i finally see the sky
what's there is so expansive
that even though the cloud may come and go
the sky is part of space
and space is infinite
with limitless potential
it makes my heart feel full

and a little glad to know
i finally see the sky
and can expect it to be there
even when the clouds are low

i think it broke

on the way i think it broke
but to have it
was to validate
that it would not stay the same

i think it broke
i'm trying to mend
and maybe it will then be more flexible
after the effort
after the attempt
to make things right
or better

i never tried to change it
to make it turn out this way
but life has it's own pattern
on the shadows in the grass
i see it
and i cannot stop it happening

i think it broke
without me dropping it
stepping on it
or even touching it
it just changed shape
in front of my eyes
and then
i lost touch
with it

i lost touch
and feeling
the feeling of being
a part of it

i think it broke
i saw the pieces on the floor
and didn't recognise it anymore

i think it broke
and this time
if we put it back together again
will it be stronger
than it was before

or is it better
to start all over

your journey

something hurts
i don't know why
i know you are going for the right reasons

but i have been a part of you so long
like a limb of mine
you will be missing

or are you the heart that beats
the lungs that breathe the air
that keeps me alive

each day we lived side by side
taking no notice
eating our meals
drinking tea in silence
thinking it will last forever

now your journey looms

and when you go
i'll see the indentation on the couch
where you sat and watched tv
the way you left your coat
where it shouldn't be
a clean house

is a sad replacement
for the noise and life
that left

your journey
is what i brought you here for
you never were to stay for good
i try and remember this
but it doesn't make
my heart ache less
or stop me thinking of the times
that no one else can give me

your journey
is thousands of miles
over the globe the ice cap
my heart is breaking now

i can visit when i want
but you will be a different one
than he who left
i should be glad i had the chance
to experience it

but something hurts
maybe growth and change
always feel like this

cherish

something loved
will be given time
cherish
every minute of it

no timeline
and no reason why
cherish
every turn of it

reach out
with no expectation
just an open heart
and an invitation
cherish
each new side of it

leave no mark
and no intention
hold the hand
without a mention
cherish
the warmth of it

always be
there for the fall
pick up and carry
settle down
cherish
the weight of it

forget yourself
remember this
we can choose
to lighten it
for all those
burdened with a sorrow
a smile
could brighten
burn the clouds off
cherish
life
become a part of it

cherish the gift
you stand in front of
and joy will partner you

when a thing is good

when a thing is good
you stop asking questions
second guessing
is replaced by second nature
nature reigns
and in it's arms
the growth takes place

when a thing is good
you don't look back
or seek the future
you look it in the face
and cherish every bit
of what's there
for what's there
and not for what it's becoming

when a thing is good
your heart starts singing
well before the song
gets written
well before the format is decided
even though you don't really know
what's inside it

when a thing is good
you don't need to know
everything
don't need to be in control
relish the fact
that development
will choose it's own road

when a thing is good
the best part is
there is no need to fear
you will be taken care of
there is no need to quantify
anything

when a thing is good
there is no need

the morning has potential

outside my window i heard a bird
i had not heard for a while
and i thought
this morning has potential

the sky has changed
and i can see a bit of blue
where only cloud was seen
the other day perhaps
this morning has potential

the trees so still
no breeze
but leaves so green
with buds so full
this morning has potential

the flowers stretching for the sun
and petals
opening up
this morning has potential

maybe i should get up